


figure it out

by orphan_account



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Blood, Bullying, Drug Addiction, Drunk Sex, Drunk Texting, Dubious Consent, Eating Disorders, Enemies to Lovers, Extremely Dubious Consent, Friends With Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, I have a friend who has a phobia of vomit so I think I should probably tag it for others who might, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Not like vomit kink like Kokichi throws up a lot cus anxiety attacks and ed, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Rebound, Revenge Sex, Romantic Soulmates, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Venting but lowkey, Vomiting, Withdrawal, i think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:08:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23507395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: nothing better to dowhen i'm stuck on youand still i'm heretrying to figure it out-Soulmate AU where when your blood mixes with your soulmates it changes color.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Momota Kaito/Oma Kokichi
Comments: 22
Kudos: 143





	1. shut up dude literally my braincells are rotting every time a sound comes out of your mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small puddle of blood turns jet black during a minor fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I originally posted this, it was around 920 words and didn't make a lot of sense. I edited it to explain the scenario slightly more and make what they're fighting over make more sense. Along with new language choices and added dialogue, it's now around 1800 words.  
> I don't plan on posting the original version again, but if I do it will be in my drabbles book.

Kokichi was obsessed with pain, whether it was getting hurt or hurting himself. He was also obsessed with the idea of love, being loved, getting attention from someone who deeply cares for him. How lucky for him that if his blood were to mix with his soulmate's it would change to the color of their love.

His arms were covered in fresh cuts, old cuts and scars of even older cuts. He didn't consider himself a slut, but he's made out with and cut pretty much every boy he's ever met. Since transferring to a new school, he'd made out with… 24 boys? It was at least 24. But despite that, he kind of already had his eyes on someone. Unfortunately, it was the most popular kid in the school.

Kaito was waiting for the right one to try cutting. He'd had boyfriends and girlfriends in the past, nothing serious or long-term, yet he never tried cutting with them. He was more of a sadist. Pain was his thing, just not on himself. But, that wasn't the only reason he hadn't tried yet.

He wanted to see who a person was. He wanted to love them for who they were, not just because their blood changed color or anything. He didn't necessarily care if they were soulmates or not, he cared if he could love them and appreciate them as a person. He wasn't down to date an asshole or a cheater just because their blood changed color. Someone else could have them. That wasn't to say he got crushes before actually talking to the person. Like the new transfer student. He just seemed too vulnera- uh, likeable.

As lunch had just started, Kokichi sat on the roof with his newest fling and his best friend. They had both transferred in from the same school that Monday. It wasn't a coincidence, both their parents thought they should be going to a school closer to home, even if it wasn't some prestigious private elitist academy. They all passed around a blunt which was definitely illegal, but on the roof they didn't really have a chance of getting caught. Unless for some reason a teacher came up. But why would a teacher come to the roof? They were safe.

"So," Shuichi, the newest fling, started. "Our blood didn't mix, huh."

"Yeah," Kokichi said, pausing to take a hit and pass it to Shuuichi before continuing. "But like, we can still be friends. And make out and stuff."

He was definitely lying about still being friends but he wouldn't mind making out some more. He didn't really do the whole friends thing. Getting close to someone and then abandoning them meant rumors. And rumors weren't good for his sweet, innocent image. Anyways, he was low-key using Shuuichi to get to Kaito. Not like it was that bad, he had used that tactic quite a few times before.

"He's gonna be making out with at least 10 other guys, too," Rantarou not-so-jokingly joked. "Just a fair warning." Not slut-shaming his best friend, it was just the truth.

"That's alright," Shuuichi sighed. "Not like I get much action anyways."

Shuuichi hesitated before taking a hit and giving it back to Rantarou. It was his first time smoking, but he felt he could trust the pair. He had no idea why he trusted them, they just seemed safer than his other friends. He didn't really know what it would do to him, but he didn't want to seem pussy in front of his new friends. They seemed pretty cool compared to him.

"Is it really alright we're doing this?" He asked. Not that he was worried, but he was worried. Maybe he'd be less worried if they weren't at school, but even then he'd probably still be worried.

Totally jinxing it, the door to the roof swung open. Rantarou hurriedly put the blunt out on his arm and shoved it into a safe pocket on his bag. It wasn't the first burn mark on his arm from doing that. Shuuichi found his bravery to be somewhat hot.

A tall, buff man walked onto the roof with two blonde girls. The trio glared at the other trio, and the other trio glared at the trio. 

"Saihara-chan is a bit busy right now," Kokichi called out to them, accidentally dropping the persona he had created for that school. "Get someone else to suck your dick. You can have him back when we're done with him."

Both Kaede and Kaito flipped him off. Kaito started to approach the group, Kaede striding behind and Miu trying to convince them not to do anything irrational. They only came to the roof to get Shuuichi, but Miu knew Kaede and Kaito, and they'd do something irrational. Well, maybe not Kaede. She didn't have her bat with her.

"Shuuichi, come here," Kaede demanded, looking into his eyes. And Shuichi went over to her. It was dangerous to disobey her, especially if you were making eye contact. There was no choice but to rejoin the group.

"Listen, transfer," Kaito started. "I know you're new here and all, but you don't run shit, and you never will. Don't try talking to me like that."

"Or what?" Kokichi stuck his tongue out at him. He already revealed himself, no point trying to go back to the persona in front of them, even if he was being stupid and would probably end up hurt. "You're gonna ruin me? Wouldn't be the first person to try."

"Why you-" Kaito grabbed the smaller boy by the collar and held him close to his face with his other hand in a fist, making him hover off the ground.

"Woah, calm down a bit," Rantarou attempted at intervening. "Is this necessary? You have Saihara already, just fuck off."

"Yes, please calm down…" Miu agreed. She knew what she was getting into when she got involved with Kaede, but that didn't mean she enjoyed watching her friends needlessly hurt people. "Let's just go," she begged.

"Listen, transfer," Kokichi mocked Kaito's earlier speech. "I could care less about h-"

And then Kaito punched him in the face. He's doesn't really enjoy hurting people who hadn't done anything to him, and the joke didn't really bother him, but he had a reputation. One the new kid needed to know about before he got too cocky.

Blood started dripping from Kokichis nose as he was dropped on the ground, but he just wiped it off with his sleeve. He knew he wasn't nearly strong enough to get the larger male back, but damn if he wasn't high enough to try.

He stood up took a swing for Kaitos stomach. To him, it was a very light punch, one that he thought would hurt his hand more than the victim. To Kaito, it was enough force to make him start to cough out blood.

And the drops of blood spilled on the floor mixed together, the red turning to an almost tar-like jet black.

Both of them, too into it to realize, kept going. Kokichi was used to getting beat up for all the shit he talked, but he usually had a weapon or something threatening that he had to his advantage. First week of school, he just tries to build a reputation. There was no bringing knives to school (aside the razor blade he always carried in his backpack, just in case). So for now, he kept talking.

"Weak ass," he started. "A small punch to the gut was enough to hurt you. You're fucking pathetic, really."

"Shut up," Kaito warned, anger in his eyes.

But Kokichi kept going anyway. 

"All this talk about how I'll never get to the top, and I can't tell how you got there yourself," he laughed. "I can't believe people are actually intimidated by you. Why don't more people try fighting you?"

"I told you to shut up already!" Kaito yelled, making Kokichi laugh even more.

"You're weak," he spoke with a more serious and monotone voice now. "I'm sure if someone were to start a 'rumor' about this, you would surely get dethroned easily. You don't deserve your position." He was really talking shit just to talk shit at this point. He kinda loved getting beaten up, no matter how much it hurt.

Tired of telling him to shut up and getting to his limit, Kaito grabbed him by the collar again, except this time, he was dangling him slightly off the side of the roof.

"What're you gonna do? Drop me?" Kokichi laughed. "I wish you would. I'm not scared of death, and I'm definitely not scared of you."

Kaede, who had previously been making fun of obviously high Shuuichi, suddenly realized what was going on and joined in Rantarou and Miu's protests. Despite her violent nature, she wouldn't kill someone over nothing. She wasn't that fucked up.

"Kaito, put him down!" She yelled.

Kaito held Kokichi farther off the roof. It was funny that no matter how loud they called out, in the adrenaline neither two could hear anything but each other and their thoughts. Kokichi's heart was pumping, but he wasn't thinking much. He wasn't scared of dying. It was inevitable. Whether it be now or in the future didn't make a difference. Either way he would be dead. Suddenly, he realized that he could die right there, and he was able to hear everyone.

"You're going too far!" Shuuichi joined in.

"Listen to your friends," Kokichi spat. "You're not a murderer, are you?" He wasn't struggling. He never did when he got in a situation like this.

Kaito considered dropping him right then. Sure he was no murderer, but he deserved to fall. He wasn't mad until he was being framed as weak. Sure, he wouldn't have been in that situation if he didn't throw a needless punch, but Kokichi needed a lesson. One that he clearly hadn't learned yet. He loosened his grip, and despite all his talk, Kokichi grabbed onto his arm.

"He's your fucking soulmate!" Miu screamed at him. And Miu never got loud. And swearing? She was pissed off.

"What?" Kaito, taken aback, threw Kokichi back on the roof. He hit his head on the ground and Kaito kicked his side.

"That's your blood," she pointed to the black puddle on the ground, sounding pissed as ever. "Right?"

Kaito knew it was.

"No that's not."

"Well it wasn't there before!"

"That proves nothing."

Kokichi laughed. Kaito was so stupid. And he was hot when he was threatening, too. He was kind of turned on. But he wouldn't say that. He wondered if Kaito would be the death of him someday.

"Cut yourself then," he laughed. "Let's see."

"No."

"Why not?"

"It doesn't matter if we are, I know I could never love you." Kaito left the roof, the girls in tow. Saihara stayed behind to apologise.

The bell rang, and just like that lunch was over. Rantarou lit the blunt back up and they both took a long hit before going to class.


	2. nooooo don't get high and send a video of you sucking dick to a guy who will use it against you you're so sexy ahahhh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi fucks up. A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> General self-destructive behavior, non-descriptive sex, slut-shaming and self harm are in this chapter. Nothing that isn't tagged.  
> -  
> This chapters at least 2,000 words longer than the first one so I'll probably go back and rewrite it to be longer. Idk the first chapters of all my fics are short and bad compared to the second.  
> EDIT: I redid the first chapter, go read it if you want. Now there's only like a 1,000 character difference.

"So, Momota, huh?"

"What about him?"

"He's your soulmate, dude."

"I cannot tell you how laughable that statement is."

The school day was over and Kokichi walked home with Rantarou. They went the rest of the day without seeing Kaito or the others in his group. Thankfully, Kokichi thought, despite still wanting to see him.

"Could I stay at your place tonight?" Kokichi asked. "My face hurts like a bitch and I wanna numb it."

"You don't need to stay the night to do that," Rantarou stated.

"I can't go home shitfaced."

Rantarou blanked for a second. Then he said, "ohhh, that's what you mean." He was already pretty high. "No, you can't stay over."

"Why not?" Kokichi pleaded, putting on his innocent act. "I promise I won't do anything illegal aside from getting baked and blackout drunk!"

"Just cuz," Rantarou said, looking down at his phone.

"Who are you texting?" He asked, snatching the phone from the taller males hands.

Rantarou tried grabbing it back, but Kokichi was already reading all his texts out loud.

 **11:34 a.m**  
**Unknown** : hello!! is this rantarou amami?  
**Unknown** : it's me, saihara? you gave me your number  
**Unknown** : unless you didn't, but like that's fine too i'll just text whoever this is  
**11:50 a.m**  
**RA** : Oh dude I'm just in class don't assume I stood you up you're pretty cool  
**RA** : Hold on lemme add your contact real quick  
**SS** : oh heyyyyy  
**SS** : i just wanted to tell you kaito's fine so you can tell ouma if he wants to hear  
**RA** : Gonna be real honest rn Saihara Kokichi was the one who's life was threatened I don't think he cares if Momota's okay

"Aww, thanks for standing up for me, Amami-chan!" Kokichi grinned.

"So, are you gonna give me the phone back now?" Rantarou questioned. "Also, what did we say about using last names instead of firsts?"

"I don't really care what we said," he rolled his eyes. "Anyways, I'm not done reading."

 **12:30 p.m**  
**SS** : oh sorry i don't know him that well didn't know if that'd matter considering they're supposed to be in love  
**SS** : kaito said he knows they're soulmates and that he's not on that  
**SS** : "dumb shit"  
**SS** : but he wants to like genuinely fall in love not just marry whoever he's told to marry  
**RA** : That's kinda soft I might have to tell Kokichi that part so he can use it against him  
**SS** : aaa you probably shouldn't  
**SS** : kaito's a pretty soft person he just has a reputation  
**SS** : he's a good guy when you get to know him

Kokichi skipped over this part of the chat. He didn't want to hear that a genuinely kind person couldn't even love him.

 **1:57 p.m**  
**SS** : kaedes making me walk home with them so that kaito isn't just third wheeling her and miu  
**SS** : she lives in the opposite direction of you so i'd i'll be there around 3?  
**RA** : Damn.  
**RA** : Tbh you might as well spend the night  
**RA** : Stop at your house and pick up some clothes for tomorrow  
**RA** : Or don't I have a laundry room we can just wash what you're wearing  
**RA** : We can do fun stuff together.  
**SS** : what counts as fun stuff?

Kokichi made a fake surprised gasp. "I can't believe you won't let me over because you wanna get laid! What happened to bros before hoes?"

"It's not like that," Rantarou sighed. "I'm not even into him."

"Then why can't I come over?" Because Rantarou really wanted to get laid.

"... Fine, you can come over," Rantarou only let him so he'd stop asking questions. "But only if you give me my phone back."

So Kokichi handed over the phone. He really enjoyed going over Rantarou's house. It wasn't that his home life was bad, just his parents were only home late and he got bored all the time. Even if his parents were around, he thinks he'd still spend most of his time with Rantarou.

They'd known each other since before either could remember. Their dads were friends, so Kokichi could go over whenever and his dad wouldn't care and Rantarou's would accept him. There were many times in the past where the two tried being more than friends, but in the end Kokichi knew that while Rantarou does love him, he has his own soulmate somewhere, and he doesn't want to get in the way of that just because he wanted to feel love. Now they just smoked weed and got drunk and made out a lot and on occasion fucked.

Surprisingly, going through Rantarou's texts had taken up a decent portion of the walk home, and soon enough they were walking through the doors. They snuck in through the back door and made their way upstairs to the bedroom. His family was a bit more than kinda rich, so there were security cameras everywhere, but that's not what they were trying to sneak around. Rantarou had 12 younger sister's living in the house, and he didn't want any of them bothering him.

The minute the room door was locked, Rantarou unzipped his bag and lit what remained of the blunt from lunch. He immediately gave it to Kokichi, whos face was starting to bruise in some spots.

"Do you want me to go get you some ice?" Rantarou asked.

"You're gonna leave me in your room alone?" Kokichi asked back. If Rantarou were to leave, the door would have to stay unlocked, and someone might walk in. It was better he stayed. He'd get it when Shuuichi came over and they'd have to go answer the door.

Rantarou layed down on his bed next to Kokichi, who had already taken too many hits. He took the blunt from out of his hands and took a few hits himself, but nowhere near as close to how many Kokichi was on. Kokichi climbed on top of Rantarou and started to make out with him.

"Do you really want to do stuff like this while knowing your soulmate?" Rantarou asked when Kokichi broke the contact.

"I wouldn't be doing it if I cared," Kokichi lied. He did care, he just also didn't see any hope for him and Kaito. He never really saw hope in anything. He also wasn't exactly clear-minded at the moment. "Plus, you're hotter."

When Kokichi went in for more, Rantarou's phone buzzed. Kokichi grabbed it before he could.

 **2:48 p.m**  
**SS** : i'm here i think  
**SS** : you live in the mansion  
**SS** : ?

"How do you want me to respond?"

"Tell him I'll be down in a sec."

 **RA** : Hold on a sec Kokichi's going down on me and I wanna cum  
**SS** : uh  
**SS** : ok  
**SS** : have fun???  
**SS** : wait oumas here?  
**RA** : Yes it's me I'm the one texting jeez does Amami-chan text you I'm giving him head a lot?  
**SS:** i just started texting him idk probably not

Rantarou went downstairs and Kokichi followed him, despite being absolutely baked. Kokichi took himself in the kitchen to get ice while Rantarou picked up the door. They didn't have time to waste when sneaking around. Well, Kokichi was wasting time anyways. He didn't know if he was supposed to grab an ice pack or a bag of ice. He stood with his head in the freezer, contemplating what he should get. After a few minutes, he decided on the bag of ice and went back upstairs.

The door unlocked, Kokichi walked in on Rantarou and Shuuichi making out, one of Rantarou's hands placed on the others thigh. Shuuichi jumped when he heard the door shut, immediately removing himself from Rantarou. His face was super red, and he looked down at the floor. Rantarou's face was also super red, but he was grinning at Kokichi. Well, he was until he saw him holding an entire bag of ice.

"Dude, how high are you?" He said, taking the bag from his hands.

"I'd say pretty high up there."

"Stay here while I get you something that will be actually useful to you."

With that, Rantarou left the room, leaving Kokichi alone with Shuuichi. Kokichi stood still for a second, looking down at his arms that just held a page of ice, and then went to get the rest of the blunt that was laying on Rantarou's desk.

"Should you be smoking so much?" Shuuichi asked.

"Should you be smoking more?" Kokichi retorted. He passed the blunt to the other male. "If you're thinking about getting laid tonight, cumming while high is an amazing feeling."

"I-I don't plan on getting laid," Shuuichi stuttered, inhaling the smoke.

"Well Amami-chan does. Plus, you took a hit anyways." Kokichi shrugged. "Hey, are you still down to make out? I wanna try something."

"I guess?"

"Pass it over," Shuuichi gave the blunt to Kokichi. He took a significantly long hit and leaned into the others mouth, passing the smoke. Shuuichi breathed in some smoke and let the rest out when Kokichi broke the kiss.

Kokichi really wished he stopped making out with people. It hurt him more than he'd like to admit, and he didn't want to admit at all. He just took another hit to distract him from his sudden urge to hurt himself. That's what he usually did. Most of the time it didn't work, but hey, he got to smoke. He wondered if Kaito smoked. He wondered if Kaito would smoke with him.

"Does Momota do drugs?" He asked Shuuichi out of nowhere.

Shuuichi, spacing out as this was the first time he'd done drugs and he smoked like four times in that day alone, didn't comprehend a question was being asked to him. Once he did, he was taken aback a bit, like it was shocking that was even a question. "He smokes cigarettes a lot," he paused to think. "I'm pretty sure he occasionally drinks alcohol but that's mainly at parties and I've never seen him do drugs. I think."

Despite only having been at that school for about a week, he already knew Kaito's reputation. There was no doubt he got invited to parties all the time, but if he was getting invited to a ton, how many did he actually attend?

"Does he go to parties a lot?" Kokichi continued pestering, much to Shuuichi's dismay.

"Uh, sure. I guess," Shuuichi was too out of it to deal with questions or remember answers. "At least one a week I think. I don't know. I don't really go with him a lot."

"Do you like parties? Amami-chan likes parties." Kokichi rambled. "He's interested in you a lot. He'll probably take you to a lot of parties. He takes me to a lot of parties."

Shuuichi didn't like parties or get invited to them. He was friends with Kaito yeah, but he was significantly less popular than the rest of their group. Still, he was at the top of the school. People just don't like him. What Kokichi asked was run-on, and he didn't know if he was supposed to answer or not. Fortunately, Rantarou came back with the ice pack and he didn't have to say anything. He didn't want to disappoint his new friends.

"Sorry it took so long," Rantarou sighed, dropping the ice pack into Kokichi's hands. "I ran into dad. He wanted to know if he needed to make any extra servings of dinner. I think he's just getting a pizza or four for us though."

Kokichi slammed his face into the ice pack. He started to go numb and his head kinda hurt, but he didn't want to lift his head back up. He instead just started groaning. He could hear Rantarou start making out with Shuuichi and decided to move his hands to cover his ears and groan louder. He wasn't annoyed by it, he just wanted to piss Rantarou off. But only low-key. He wasn't going to lie, it was kinda hot. It wasn't until he felt Rantarou playing with his hair that he uncovered his ears and lifted his head away from the now almost warm ice pack.

"Shuuichi's never gotten head before," Rantarou says nonchalantly, still playing with Kokichi's hair.

"Then suck his dick," he groaned again, putting his face in his hands. "You're his boyfriend. Don't bother me about it."

"But I top," Rantarou whined. He only did that when he was desperate. "You gotta do it."

"We're not boyfriends?" Shuuichi stated like he was asking a question at the same time. Not that he would say no if he got asked out. He just hadn't been asked out.

"Okay, boyfriend," Rantarou winked. "Are you down?"

Kokichi didn't really feel like it. At least until he had the stupidest non-sober brain idea and thought it was absolute genius. "Only if it's recorded. And it has to be recorded on Shuuichi's phone."

Rantarou was able to piece together what Kokichi was thinking of doing pretty quick, and while he should've stopped him, he also wanted to see Shuuichi get head. And so, Kokichi gave him head. And it was definitely some fire head. He wondered if it would make Kaito jealous. And he stole Shuuichi's phone and sent the video to Kaito. It wasn't like he needed to steal it, Shuuichi wouldn't be able to take it back from him.

"Have fun having sex," he grinned, also stealing the rest of the blunt and locking himself in Rantarou's private bathroom. He was genuine in his comment. It was obvious that the moment he left them alone, they would try something.

Kokichi, a bit too sober for his liking, took a hit from the blunt and sat in the bathtub, waiting for a response. He didn't plan on responding, just wanted to see what Kaito would say. It was then he remembered it was a Wednesday. There was school tomorrow. And it was too late to unsend the video.

 **4:19 p.m**  
**KM:** wtf  
**KM:** is that you  
**KM:** why would you send me this

Kokichi laughed.

 **KM:** you're lucky that's you or this shit would be all over by now  
**KM:** you're not so lucky kaede saw it tho  
**KM:** can't control her  
**KM:** blame yourself if you just ruined this kids whole reputation  
**KM:** and you better explain this shit or you're getting it fr

Kokichi no longer laughed. Shuuichi would get beat up and it would be his fault. Then his heart started beating faster. Then the tears came.

 **SS:** my bad that wasn't supposed to go to you  
**KM:** wtf dude  
**KM:** who are you sending it to  
**KM:** why would you record that shit anyways you fucking weirdo  
**SS:** he wanted me to  
**KM:** sounds like a slut.  
**SS:** that's your problem to deal with not mine

And he couldn't stop crying. He felt like a slut. Kaito called him a slut. Ugh. He couldn't stand himself. It was rarely ever that he could. He got up and searched the bathroom for the small pack of razor blades he had hid a while ago, hoping Rantarou hadn't found them and thrown them out. He wasn't supposed to be cutting his feelings away, he promised he wouldn't. But he wasn't the type to commit. A sigh escaped his mouth as he found the pack, and a moan did when his arm started bleeding. I really am a slut, Kokichi thought, laughing at himself. Look at me, slicing my arm open and moaning from the pain. He kept going until the thoughts stopped and he was numb.

Eventually he felt like leaving the bathroom and gave Shuuichi his phone back. He stayed fairly quiet the rest of the night, only speaking up when he was asking for alcohol or more weed.

He dreaded going to school the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alexis if you're reading this go away


	3. michael in the bathroom from be more chill except it's at school and while a girl with a murder bat is calling you a whore and threatening to leak your nudes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things happen before first period even starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for bullying, slut-shaming, death threats, cutting, minor non-con (kissing not like rape) and vomit. Nothing that isn't tagged.

Kokichi wasn't ready to go to school. He didn't want to. He felt gross. He gently rubbed his fingers along the fresh cuts before squeezing the arm tightly.

"Hurry up," Rantarou said from behind the door. "We're gonna be late."

Oh right. He was in the shower. He had been in there for too long. He didn't know if he was procrastinating or dissociating. Either way, he needed to get out. It was fairly hot in there and he was dizzy from his hangover. He looked down at his cuts. He wasn't supposed to be dealing with his problems like that. He felt shittier for breaking that promise, but he didn't know if Rantarou really expected him to be able to keep it. His normally pale arm was red all over, some cuts bleeding from the irritation of scrubbing his body. He was worried about what Rantarou would say when he left the bathroom to get clothes from his small section of the closet. He had to get out. It was too hot.

He wrapped himself in a towel and quickly went over to the closet and started getting changed, shirt first. Maybe that made him too suspicious, as once he had gotten fully changed Rantarou yanked up his sleeve.

"I'm not gonna ask why," he started. "But you have a problem."

Kokichi knew he had a problem. He couldn't even tell who he really was. He knew his persona of a weak and innocent pushover loser, but sometimes he felt like it wasn't just a persona. Being harsh and generally uncaring and cruel wasn't a persona, but he got tired of being that way. He just didn't want to be weak.

Rantarou wrapped up his arm so it would stop bleeding and soon they were off to school. Shuuichi kept texting someone during the walk there. Kokichi guessed it was probably Kaito. He was probably trying to get out of being beaten up.

"I'm sorry, Saihara," Kokichi mumbled under his breath. He felt bad for getting him in trouble like that. He didn't say it too loud because he didn't like Shuuichi that much and didn't really want to apologize, but he felt better for saying it. It wasn't like he heard anyways.

"We gotta wait for classes in the cafeteria this morning," Shuuichi informed them. "We always wait outside, and they'll see you if you stay out there."

"Is there a threat of them seeing us?" Rantarou asked.

Shuuichi paused. "Probably."

Kokichi fucked up. He should've skipped school, he didn't care what his dad thought. Or maybe he could fail all of his classes so his dad thought the school was bad and transfer him out. That's always what happened when he didn't want to be at a school anymore, and typically Rantarou would go along with it.

He didn't want to be at school if it meant he had to hide all day every day. It was only Wednesday, he still needed to build his reputation. He couldn't be hiding all day. But, once he thought about it, that would be good for his reputation. The new kid, shy and vulnerable, having to hide away from the popular kids every day. People would hate them if he looked like he could do no wrong. It would be that easy to climb to the top, but that wasn't his goal.

He felt like crying when they arrived at the school gates. Fortunately, a lot of people were inside those gates, and they were able to get into the cafeteria without problem. He was surprised they weren't waiting right at the gate for him. That's what his bullies usually did. Maybe they didn't want him to know what their plan was.

They sat down at an empty table near the back of the cafeteria, but close enough to a door that they could get out easily if needed. No teachers, or staff in general for that matter, were inside the cafeteria. He could hear people at surrounding tables gossiping about how apparently Kaito had finally found his soulmate and theorizing who it could be. A few of Kokichi's previous flings noticed him and came over to say hi, but none of them stayed long. If they could notice him, what was stopping Kaito from? Absolutely nothing.

"Miu is pretty safe," Shuuichi was in the middle of trying to explain his friends to them, but Kokichi only just started paying attention. "I'd say Kaede is who you need to be most worried about. If you see her, don't make eye contact, especially if her eyes look like that." He discreetly pointed at the door on the other side of the cafeteria she had just entered from. "And if she's looking at you like that, you better run."

"Is she looking at me like that?" Kokichi asked, knowing she was.

"Yeah. Try getting to the bathroom at the end of the red hallway. It's one of those private ones that lock. I'll get you later." Shuuichi didn't seem like he wanted to get him later. He was more focused on his phone than he was on giving the instructions. Kokichi just hoped they were right.

He could feel Kaede's eyes burning into his skin as he left the cafeteria. He didn't want to run, he felt she'd start running after him. Normally, he'd be fine with a chase, but she had a large bat with nails and red splatters covering it. He could only imagine what she had done with that bat or what she would do to him with it if he got caught.

The hallways were crowded, perhaps a bit too crowded for Kokichi, but no matter how much he weaved through the crowds, he still felt Kaede's eyes on him. All he had to do was make it to the bathroom. That's all he had to do. He started feeling nauseous. He could feel his persona merging with his personality as his head started hurting again. He almost fell down a few times. He wished he hadn't drank the night before. When he felt secure enough in the crowd he started running, not stopping until he was securely locked in the bathroom.

Kaede pounded the door. Kokichi was lucky she couldn't damage school property. "I know you're in there, whore!" She yelled at him. "You can't hide forever!" An even larger crowd started to form around Kaede, but not too close. Nobody was allowed to get too close to her. The first period bell rang out, but the teachers knew better than to interrupt whatever fight was going on that day.

She kicked the door again and Kokichi's eyes started watering as he covered his ears. This reminded him of something, unfortunately, it was a something he couldn't remember. But it was affecting him anyways.

"You know what you fucking did, piece of shit," she continued yelling. "You wouldn't be hiding if you hadn't done something. So what is it, whore? You wanna get out or you want me to tell everyone how much of a whore you are?"

"Fuck you," he yelled back out. He knew he shouldn't have, as Kaede started yelling at the crowd.

"You know the transfer? The one who looks all innocent and sweet? He's a fucking whore!" Still, no teachers came out of their classrooms to see what all the noise was for. Kaede kicked the door again. "You all should see the same video I saw of this fucking whore. Follow me and I'll post it later!" There was always an opportunity for Kaede to plug her social media.

Then he started crying. Like absolutely bawling. Yeah, he made out with a lot of guys and had a lot of one night stands, and yeah, most of those people thought he was a slut already, but this is an entire school. Sure, any of those guys could tell a friend who will tell a friend who will tell a friend what went on between them, but most likely they wouldn't. Now a whole school would know. So he lied. It was what he was best at, anyways.

"If that were true I would come out," he yelled. "That's not the kind of shit you just do. And if I did, I definitely wouldn't send it to you." The crowd contemplated what he said, but most (or all) of them were too afraid to speak up against Kaede despite their agreement.

Kaito pushed through the crowd (well, they parted for him to get through) with Miu and Shuuichi in tow. "What the fuck are you doing?" He yelled at Kaede. Then, he looked at the crowd. "Everybody leave, go to your classes."

Once they were finally alone, he repeated what he said earlier. "What the fuck, Kaede?" He knows how she acts, but was mad at her for all that anyways. "What's with the theatrics?"

"He hurt you," Kaede smugly grinned. "Thought I'd return the favor."

Kaito was hurt? Because of him? Kokichi stopped crying for a second and thought about that. He was able to hurt Kaito. Kaito was jealous of something he had done. Huh.

"Wh- he didn't fucking hurt me," Kaito God defensive suddenly. "I could care less about that fucking slut."

And there it was again. Kaito didn't care about him. Kaito thought he was a slut. Kaito could never love him. Kokichi sat in the bathroom telling himself all those things over and over, starting to cry again and hoping it wasn't loud enough for the group outside to hear him.

After a lot of yelling, there was a knock on the door. It was a soft and gentle knock. Had Shuuichi came to get him like he said? Or maybe that was Rantarou knocking?

"Open the fucking door," Kaito said, his words not matching his gentle tone or light knocks. "You're lucky Shuuichi told me where you were before Kaede broke down this damn door."

Kokichi ignored the request and kept the door closed and locked. Kaito kept knocking until he got annoyed and opened the door a crack. It didn't matter that it was just a crack, Kaito was strong enough to push it open. And he did, then he locked him and Kokichi in there alone. Nobody was left in the hallway. Kaito pushed him in a corner and got way closer than he was comfortable with. He grabbed Kokichi's chin and forced him to look up at him. Their mouths were dangerously close to each other.

Kaito studied his face silently. The bruises on his face from being hurt so many times yesterday were already a dark purple. The white of his eyes was more red than white, and along with the wetness of his face and how shaky he felt, it was extremely obvious he had been crying. Kaito couldn't help himself from laughing. Kokichi was so weak now, it was apparent he was all talk. Kokichi tried to laugh too, to make the silence less awkward, but it was difficult to with how he was positioned.

"Are you just going to keep staring at me?" He asked, straining his voice. " Or did you come in here for a reason?"

"Shut up, whore," Kaito growled. He moved slightly farther back from Kokichi, but only to hit him in the face. "Be quiet and don't ask questions. Understand?"

Kokichi nodded.

"Good. I need you to take that box cutter out of your bag. I know you have one in there."

Kokichi obliged, scared of what Kaito would do to him if he didn't. Especially because they were alone. He knew nobody would care if they heard screaming. They'd probably think he deserved whatever he was getting.

He got the box cutter out and handed it to Kaito. Kaito grabbed his left arm and dragged him to the sink, making him groan in pain. Once the sleeve was rolled up, it was disappointingly obvious why that was his reaction. Kaito just rolled up the other sleeve instead and made a deep incision. He squeezed it, more than a few drops of blood leaking into the sink. He then did the same to himself, and sure enough, the blood had turned jet black. The color of their love was black.

"What was the point of that?" Kokichi asked, playing with the blood on his arm. He didn't say the rest of what he wanted to say in fear he would die in a school bathroom.

"Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up?" Kaito glared at him, backing him into a wall again. "You don't get to ask me questions."

"I'm sorry," Kokichi was able to get out before being slapped in the face again.

"You will be," Kaito said before lifting the smaller boys chin up and leaning in to make out with him.

Kokichi wasn't expecting it, but he also wasn't expecting it would be so soft. Completely jinxing it, the kisses got rougher and rougher, and as Kaito moved his face down and bit down on his neck, he couldn't stop himself from letting out a small moan. Kaito sucked on the spot for a bit before returning to Kokichi's face.

"It was to make sure I could do that," he said in a deep, almost whispery voice. Kokichi was turned on, probably more than turned on. And Kaito could feel it. And he laughed. "You're such a fucking slut." 

"What do you want from me? Sex in a school bathroom?" Kokichi made a small laugh, trying to ignore the tears that started to form in his eyes. He couldn't move his arms to wipe them away and he was worried if he blinked they would start coming out. He didn't want Kaito to notice, but he did anyways.

"Don't put on your scared face now, you already ruined that," Kaito mocked him. "Now listen to me. You're mine now. You see that hickey on your neck? You don't hide that. We're not dating. I'll never love you. But you will do whatever I say or else. You got that?" Kokichi nodded. "Good. You're coming home with me later, so don't make plans."

Kaito left Kokichi alone in the bathroom, telling him to go to his class. Kokichi threw up the moment he left, his heart beating too fast. He didn't feel like going to any classes. He just washed the blood out of the sink and waited for Shuuichi to get him like he said he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this a solid hour after I finished remaking the first chapter and idk if it seems rushed or actually decent so lmk lol  
> ALSO what time do y'all read this at? I noticed I got a lot of hits around 1-3 A.M and 9-11 A.M but not much any other times. Yall good?


	4. ive decided to start using actual titles but only after this chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito takes Kokichi out for lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for self-harm mention, very slight drug mention, dubious consent, masochism mention, and sex  
> .  
> Yeah early update cus I don't think I'll be up to post it at 3 am lol

Shuuichi didn't come until it was time for lunch, Rantarou in tow. Kokichi didn't mind that much, he would spend the rest of the day there if he could. But then the school would tell his dad he hadn't shown up, and he'd get in trouble. He had to go to at least one class if he didn't want to get in trouble. Unfortunately for him, Kaito's group was already waiting for him on the roof. He made an attempt to turn around and leave, but it was too late.

"Hey, slut," Kaede called out, swinging her bat around carelessly in the air. "And don't try leaving, or else." 

"Stop it," Miu pleads with her, attempting to grab a part of the bat that didn't have something sharp sticking out of it. "Please put it down, you're gonna hurt someone."

"That's the point." She laughed.

Kokichi froze in place as he noticed Kaito had gotten up and started walking in his direction. He unconsciously held tightly onto Rantarou's shirt. Noticing this, Rantarou put Kokichi behind his back, hiding him from Kaito. It didn't matter, however, as Kaito grabbed him on the freshly cut arm and pulled him out from behind. It didn't take that much effort as Kokichi was fairly light and didn't want the deep cut to open back up.

"We're going out for lunch," he said, already pushing the roof doors open and pushing Kokichi along with them.

"Are we allowed to do that?" Kokichi asked.

"You smoke weed on the roof every day and you're scared of leaving to go get lunch?" Kaito mocked him.

"Are we actually getting lunch?" He asked a different question. It hadn't been a very long time since he last ate, but with all the throwing up from today and the night prior, it felt like he hadn't eaten in forever.

"Stop asking so many fucking questions," Kaito ignored the question. No, they weren't going to actually get lunch. This became more evident as they left the gates and took a right, the direction Kaito lived in.

"What are you going to do to me?" Kokichi asked as they arrived on his doorsteps.

"What did I just say about questions?" Kaito asked, elbowing him in the side. Not hard enough for it to be noticeable to anyone passing by, but enough for Kokichi to feel it. "I already told you I'm going to do whatever I want to you and you agreed, so it doesn't matter much what I'm going to do to you, does it?"

Kokichi shook his head. It wasn't like he had a choice to say no, but he couldn't deny that he didn't want Kaito to use him however he pleased either. He knew Kaito's weak spot if he thought he needed to get away, but as long as they were alone he didn't want to try anything. As Kaito opened the door, Kokichi was pushed in, stumbling on the door frame and falling to the ground.

"Pathetic," Kaito laughed, shutting the door behind him. As he lifted him up from the floor, he immediately slammed him into the wall, one hand right around his small throat and the other caressing his side under the shirt. "We should be alone for a long time, and when we're not alone we can go somewhere else."

Kokichi knew what he meant as Kaito roughly kissed him, moving his hands down to lift the smaller boys legs around his hips and grind against him. Kokichi couldn't help but to moan into Kaito's mouth, and opened his eyes in shock as he moaned back. Kaito broke the kiss to view his shocked face, then his pained face as he punched him in the stomach.

"That's what you get for making me moan," he laughed.

"But-"

"Shut up, we're going to my room." And Kaito led him to his room. "On your knees." And Kokichi obeyed. "Now you sent that video to me for a reason, right? Because you wanted to do that to me, right?" Kokichi nodded. The goal was to make him jealous, but that worked too. Kaito undid his belt. "Good. Now do it," he said, pushing Kokichi's head down on his dick. Kokichi couldn't help but gag and immediately come up for air.

"I don't do head pushing," he stated.

"Too bad, cus I do," Kaito laughed. "And you do what I want, understand?" 

Kokichi nodded and went back to work. He went at a slow pace, hoping Kaito would hurt him again. He kinda liked it. Especially the bruises. Unfortunately for him, there was no pain, just his head getting pushed up and down until Kaito had set the pace for him. Kokichi fucking hated head pushing. He considered lightly biting his dick, but that was kinda weird. It wasn't really time for cock and ball torture. He took a moment to adjust his position before following the pace Kaito set, slowly taking more and more down his throat. As Kokichi felt it twitch in his mouth, he removed himself and started rubbing his hand along the shaft instead, the plan being that the cum would land in his hand. Unfortunately, it was now all over his uniform. How was he supposed to go back to school like that?

"You're gonna pay for that," Kaito groaned.

"Pay for what?" He was the one with the cum covered uniform, what did he have to make up for?

"You're supposed to let me cum in your mouth," Kaito slapped him across the face. "Don't play stupid."

"You didn't tell me that," he didn't, but even if he did Kokichi didn't really enjoy the taste of cum.

"I said to do like in the video." Did that happen in the video? He didn't know but he guessed probably. He was too high.

"Oh. Sorry." 

"You'll make it up to me."

Kaito picked him up and threw him down on his bed, starting to unbutton Kokichi's uniform jacket. Why the fuck did people wear it buttoned? He had no clue. Kokichi didn't argue or struggle, and he couldn't tell if it was out of fear or because he was turned on. Probably both, but he'd like to think it was just because he was turned on. Kaito threw the jacket on the floor, telling him he wouldn't need it and that he'd wash it later, kinda surprised Kokichi wasn't wearing an undershirt but also kinda pleased as he got a good look at the full extent of his attacks.

Bruises littered his chest, larger ones covering his left side. There were multiple smaller ones across his stomach, and, of course, the large hickey on his neck. Kaito's eyes trailed to the bloodied bandage on his left arm and, despite already knowing what was being covered, removed it with curiosity. The arm was more than covered, still red from all the irritation. He realized how little Kokichi had been using that arm and hit him in the face.

"You don't do that shit while you're with me," Kaito yelled at him. "You're literally so pathetic. I bet with minor pressure I'd be able to make you squirm."

Kokichi became lost in thought as he kept replaying what Kaito said. Not that he was pathetic or weak, but saying he was with him.  _ Was that intentional? _ He thought.  _ He said we weren't dating, so was it to mess with my head? Or maybe-!  _ Kokichi's focus returned to the now shirtless Kaito as he felt fingers digging into his arm. He couldn't help but scream. Kaito seemed to enjoy the scream as he pressed harder down into the cuts. Kokichi attempted to pry Kaito's hand away as tears started welling in his eyes to no avail.

"Stop," he begged, trying to look into Kaito's eyes. "Please stop. It hurts."

And Kaito stopped. Yeah, he said Kokichi would do whatever he wanted him to do, but if he ever said no then he wasn't going to force him. "Well maybe you should've thought how much that would hurt before you did that shit." He noticed some of the cuts had opened back up again, as minor drops of blood were covering his fingertips. He hadn't meant to be that rough. He never meant to be that rough. "I'll put on fresh bandages later."

How long was it until later? Kaito lived about 10 minutes from the school, but the lunch period would be over in about 2. If they were about to do what Kokichi thought they were, he'd miss his next class too. He hadn't been at the school long enough to know how easy it was to sneak back in after lunch. He guessed he wouldn't be going back to his house tonight, since he doubted he'd be going back to school. He knew his dad would wake him up when work was done and ask him a ton of questions if he went home.

"Are we going back to school after this?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Probably not, but who cares," Kaito grinned, pinning Kokichi's arms above his head and leaning in to make out. Kokichi groaned slightly as Kaito accidentally put a bit too much pressure on his wrist, but he didn't mind much as Kaito put his leg in between Kokichis. He couldn't help but grind against it, hoping that he was going to get something from the friction.

Lucky for him, Kaito removed one of his hands from holding his arms and instead moved it down to his pants, pulling them down to his knees. He pulled away from the kiss to position himself in front of Kokichi's entrance, leaning back in as he started thrusting. Kokichi yelped, opening his eyes in shock. Yeah, Kaito was big, but he was sure he'd had bigger before. It was the zero prep that hurt. He was pretty sure he was bleeding, but with each thrust it felt better and better.

"Can you hurt me?" He asked. It was less of a question and more of a statement. He knew Kaito would do it. "It feels good to hurt."

"You're a masochistic freak," Kaito said. He thought it would be more painful not to hurt him. "I call the shots around here."

Eventually Kokichi came, Kaito soon after, and they just layed on the bed, giving their hearts a moment to slow. Kaito littered Kokichi in hickeys, his neck almost completely covered in them. Oddly sensitive, the bites were enough to get him hard again.

"Look at you," Kaito laughed, removing himself from Kokichi and going to the bathroom to clean up. "Does being used make you that horny?" Kokichi almost forgot that he was just there to be used. "Now come in here before you get cum all over my sheets."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk how good this one is lol but I have to rewrite the next one because I don't think it's that good  
> .  
> Anyways same as usual follow me on Instagram if you want


	5. season 2 episode 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leftover breakfast, cereal for lunch  
> She is broken but she's fun  
> My girl eats mayonnaise  
> From a jar when she's gettin' blazed  
> Don't you need me  
> Oh, baby boy  
> 'Cause I'm so happy  
> Without your noise  
> .  
> AKA, chicken nuggets and cigarettes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for eating disorders, verbal threats, underage smoking and implied sex  
> .  
> Thought I was on my writing grind when I was uploading every two days but it took me almost a week to finish this one lol I apologise I have no real schedule  
> ALSO 69 kudos nice

Kokichi had learned that he (thankfully) had not started bleeding. The pain was just really sudden. Kaito had remembered to re-bandage his arm and disinfect the one he had done himself. Now they just lay (almost fully) clothed on the bed. Kokichi's jacket was still on the floor, and Kaito's many shirts were nowhere to be found. Not that either of them minded.

"Saihara told me that you're actually a good person," Kokichi started, trying to break the silence.

"I'm not," Kaito looked up at the ceiling. "Shuuichi will say anything to save his ass."

"But you wouldn't protect me from Akamatsu if you didn't at least kinda care," Kokichi rolled over to stare at Kaito, trying to tell what he was feeling by looking into his eyes.

"I told you already," he turned his head, making eye contact. "I don't care about you. You're just here for me to use."

"I'm okay with that," everyone he'd ever slept with treated him too good. He couldn't deny that he liked being treated rough for once.

Kokichi scooted closer to Kaito. He waited to get kissed before kissing. Kaito called the shots, Kokichi wouldn't do it if Kaito didn't say anything. Fortunately, the kisses came, and like the first time got increasingly rougher the longer they did. Kaito pinned Kokichi to the bed, lifting his legs over his shoulders, and roughly grinded against him. It wasn't until Kokichi's stomach growled that he stopped.

"Get up," he demanded. "We're going to McDonald's or something." 

"My jacket's covered in your cum," Kokichi reminded him, pushing himself up in the bed. "Unless you want me to go shirtless?" 

"That's your own fault," Kaito got up and walked over to his closet, first getting out a shirt for himself, then throwing a hoodie at Kokichi. "That's probably good enough. You're so small that everything's probably big on you anyways," Kaito insulted, pulling his own shirt over his head. 

Kaito wasn't wrong, most clothes didn't really fit well on him. This included the hoodie, as Kaito was significantly larger than him. He just pulled the strings tight and knotted them, hoping that would be enough to keep from exposing his chest.

"Keep it if you want, it probably doesn't fit me. It's just been sitting in the closet forever." Kokichi thought that Kaito had to at least somewhat care for him to buy him lunch and let him keep his hoodie. "Let's go." 

"Should I just leave my jacket here? Or-" Kokichi left his jacket there as Kaito pulled him out of the house.

"What do you usually get?" Kaito asked on the walk to McDonald's.

"I don't usually get fast food in general," Kokichi stated. "But I really like their apple pies." 

"Do your parents cook a lot?"

"No."

"Do you cook a lot?"

"No."

"Then how do you eat?"

"Most days I don't. Sometimes I go to Amami-chan's for dinner. I make sure to have a snack at least once a day, though. I don't crave death that much."

Kaito kicked Kokichi in the shin. "You have to be eating every fucking day! No matter you're so goddamn skinny," he huffed. "I'm taking you to breakfast every day."

"Aww, so you do care about me!" Kokichi exclaimed, ignoring the pain in his leg as he walked.

"No, I don't," Kaito scoffed. "Don't forget you're just a whore to me."

"Yeah, but I'm your whore~," Kokichi winked.

"You're nothing to me."

"But you just said I'm a whore to you, and earlier you said I'm a fucktoy."

"Literally stop talking before I push you into traffic."

They walked the rest of the way in near silence. When they got there, Kaito ordered 4 burgers, a 20 piece mcnugget, two cokes, a m-n-m mcflurry, and, of course, two apple pies. He gave 2 burgers, all the nuggets, one of the cokes and the mcflurry to Kokichi. Kokichi wasn't sure he could eat it all, but Kaito was holding back the apple pies as an incentive.

"Are you just trying to get me fat?" He sighed.

"You're so thin that I doubt you'll ever be anymore than 110 pounds. Just gotta make sure you're eating. You haven't all day, right?"

"Nothing other than your-" Kokichi was interrupted by Kaito stepping on his foot under the booth they were sitting at.

"We're in public," Kaito hushed him. "You can't just say that shit out loud." 

"Why not?" Kokichi asked, biting into the second burger. It didn't taste all that great and he started to feel sick the more he ate.

"You just don't," he had already finished his burgers and started working on his fries.

Kokichi didn't know how Kaito could eat that much. He didn't know how Kaito expected him to eat that much. He was eating slowly, hoping that would make him less nauseous. That didn't work well, as he had to excuse himself to go throw up in the bathroom. He didn't really eat a lot. Not on purpose, just genuine boredom and forgetfulness. He took this opportunity to take out the phone that had been buzzinging almost the whole time he was with Kaito.

**_11:45 a.m_ **

**_RA_ ** : what's that all about dude

**_RA_ ** : are you gonna be safe

**_RA_ ** : shuuichi filled me in on what went down this morning

**_RA_ ** : he wouldn't let me come with him after saying you were being threatened

**_RA_ ** : didn't want me to be like pissed and start more shit or something idk

**_RA_ ** : text me back

**_RA_ ** : text me back

**_RA_ ** : text me back

**_RA_ ** : dude omg

**_RA_ ** : text me back

**_11:50 a.m_ **

**_SS_ ** : rantarou wants me in on this plot to get your attention

**_SS_ ** : i don't have much to say but you kinda did this to yourself

**_SS_ ** : i can only imagine what kaito has planned for you

**_SS_ ** : lol

**_SS_ ** : whatever it is don't think about it too much he's a sexual deviant like yourself

**_SS_ ** : you'll probably be into it or something from what i've learned

**_12:03 a.m_ **

**_RA_ ** : ignore shuuichi i told him to stop being mean

**_RA_ ** : but text back dude lunch is over and you're not back

**_RA_ ** : if you're not coming back do you want me to tell your dad you're sick at my place or something

**_RA_ ** : don't like die or something

**_RA_ ** : kaito literally just tried to murder you yesterday

**_RA_ ** : so like don't be dead lmao

**_RA_ ** : or else

**_12:30 a.m_ **

**_RA_ ** : are you actually dead dude literally text me back

**_RA_ ** : i'll literally murder momota if he murdered you

**_12:53 a.m_ **

**_KO_ ** : I'm fine lol chill

**_KO_ ** : I'm eating lunch we're at McDonald's

**_KO_ ** : but I'm probably not coming back to school I'm having an awful amount of fun with Momota-chan right now

**_RA_ ** : are you having sex

**_KO_ ** : no I'm at McDonald's I just threw up and I'm kinda just standing around in the bathroom

**_RA_ ** : did you have sex

**_KO_ ** : idk if I can tell you that lolll

**_KO_ ** : but something felt pretty great

**_RA_ ** : yeah momotas dick up your ass

**_KO_ ** : lmao what class are you in 

**_KO_ ** : finish your uh chemistry history whatever you're in

Kokichi smiled and shoved his phone in his pocket. He was glad he still had Rantarou as a best friend. He walked back to the table where he found Kaito on his phone, but it looked like the screen was off. He knew Kaito would feel embarrassed if he mentioned it, but he also knows Kaito would probably kick him under the table again and he already had a ton of bruises (and other marks) from him.

"Did you throw up?" Kaito asked, putting his phone down. It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah," Kokichi sighed, his grin fading as he wondered if Kaito would buy more food for him to eat.

"You need to eat more," Kaito passed him a cup of water he had gotten while he was in the bathroom. "Enough that you get used to it and don't throw up after two small cheeseburgers. Drink some water, you'll feel better."

There it was again. Kokichi couldn't tell if Kaito really cared about him or not. Maybe he just wanted his toy to be alive, or maybe he genuinely cared about his health. He just sipped the water until Kaito reminded him he needed to finish eating.

"Am I paying you back for this?" Kokichi asked, opening the box of nuggets and a sauce container.

"Don't worry about it," Kaito thought Kokichi didn't look like he had much money. Kokichi had enough money to buy a McDonald's, probably. Maybe more. Probably more.

Kaito watched hungrily as Kokichi started digging into the nuggets. He knew his own appetite would require more than just two burgers, but he was too focused on Kokichi as he ordered. He decided to just take one of the boxes from Kokichi. It wasn't like he'd be able to eat it all anyways.

Kokichi glared at Kaito even though he knew better not to. He just hoped Kaito wouldn't have noticed. He preferred the nuggets over the burgers, they tasted sweeter and he could eat more without feeling sick. He finished and moved on to the mcflurry.

"Get up," Kaito demanded, done with his food. "We're leaving."

"But I'm not done with-" Kokichi got cut off.

"You can take it with you," Kaito shoved the apple pies in his pocket and carried the cokes in his hands. "We're going back to my place."

As they walked back, Kaito regretted not driving there as his hands started to get cold and numb from holding the drinks. He could tell Kokichi's hands were cold too as he pulled the sleeves of his sweater over his hands to hold the mcflurry.

"If you don't want it anymore you can just throw it away," Kaito told Kokichi, noticing he wasn't actually eating it. "Then you could carry your own soda."

"I like it, it's just too much to eat right now," Kokichi stated, dropping the mcflurry into a nearby trash can and taking his coke from Kaito. It felt lighter than it did before, but if Kaito was drinking out of his, he didn't quite mind. It was like an indirect kiss. "Thanks for the food by the way. Sorry I threw it up."

"Whatever," Kaito scoffed. "As long as you're eating something it doesn't matter to me."

"Do you care about me?" Kokichi asked after a few minutes of silence.

"That's like your third time asking me something like that," Kaito rolled his eyes. "I already said no."

"Then why did you give me free food? And why did you clean my cuts?"

Kaito hesitated. He didn't know why he was being so nice to Kokichi. Maybe a part of him sympathized with him because they were soulmates. "Basic human compassion. Don't think too much into it."

"So you are a good person like Saihara said then."

"No."

"Why are you trying so hard to pretend you're shit?" Kokichi asked. "There's nobody from school here, just me. And I know better than to tell anybody about this. You don't have to lie with me."

"We're not dating. Don't talk to me like we are. Stop pushing it before I never talk to you again."

Back at Kaito's house, things were back to normal. Kokichi was becoming excited from the caffeine and they were making out on the bed again, except this time Kokichi was sitting in Kaito's lap. Kokichi could feel Kaito hard underneath him, but he was hard himself and wasn't complaining. He made an attempt to pull Kaito's jacket off before he was stopped.

"Do you want to smoke or do you want to fuck?" Kaito asked out of nowhere.

"You have weed?" Kokichi was low-key an addict and he hadn't smoked all day. "I want to smoke." 

"No, cigarettes, you fucking stoner," Kaito rolled his eyes. "I'm craving one, get off of me."

Kokichi got off his lap and watched as Kaito got up and took a pack of cigarettes out of his bottom drawer. Despite them being fairly well hidden, Kokichi could tell there were definitely more than a few unopened packs in there. Kaito sat back on the bed with a lighter and two cigarettes, one for him and the other for Kokichi. Once Kokichi had it in his mouth, he lit it, then did the same for himself.

"I try not to do it during school hours, but, y'know, cravings," Kaito exhaled a fairly large cloud of smoke. "Whenever I go to the bathroom for a quick break somebody's offering me a juul or vape or something. But I'm on that real shit. Who wants to smoke strawberry nicotine? Not me."

"Stay addicted like this and you'll end up dead," Kokichi stated. He wasn't a big fan of cigarettes, but he would occasionally smoke one or two. He didn't think he'd ever be a nicotine fiend such as Kaito.

"At least I'm not addicted to illegal narcotics," Kaito scoffed.

"You're what? 18? Cigarettes are illegal to 18 year olds," Kokichi sighed, breathing out some smoke as he spoke.

"19. I stayed back a year in like, elementary school," Kaito explained. "I'm close enough to be able to smoke." 

"Why are you telling me so much about yourself?" Kokichi thought out loud.

"Just think we should get to know each other."

"Why do you need to know me to fuck me?"

"I do that with all my fucks," Kaito lied. "Wanna know they're not a murderer or something."

The lie was fairly obvious, but Kokichi wasn't that good at telling when somebody was lying to him. From what he knew of Kaito's reputation, he assumed it was at least somewhat true, but from Rantarou's texts with Shuuichi he could also assume Kaito genuinely wanted to get to know him. Perhaps he was looking too far into it and should just listen whenever Kaito tells him he's just a plaything.

"Hurt me whenever you want, okay?" Kokichi requested. "I think I like it."

"You're such a freak," Kaito rolled his eyes. "I don't want to hurt you. Maybe not getting hurt will pain you even more."

"Can you at least choke me?" Kokichi begged. "It doesn't hurt that much and feels good."

"Sure," Kaito agreed. "Finish the cigarette first, they're expensive and I'm not wasting money. I want to fuck you again so hurry up."

"Hey, you said we have all night," Kokichi puffed out smoke, remembering that what was in his mouth wasn't weed and that he could smoke the entire thing. "No need to rush."

"Then I'll just fuck you like this," Kaito grinned, and suddenly Kokichi was once again pinned to the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to end this at the end of McDonald's but like. It was only 900 words and needed more and I already had the next chapter planned and the last part of this one needed to be in this one to make the other one not forever long. But now this one is forever long. I apologize.  
> Also I decided to remove the underage tag, I originally had it for the substance abuse shit but I feel the tag is more meant for like minors having sex and while all the characters are all in high school they are all 18 or over and are seniors.  
> Also also I decided to bump down to mature as while I enjoy writing smut I don't really feel like being descriptive if it's not standalone.  
> .  
> Once again pls follow my insta I am desperate I talk kinnie stuff and hello kitty


	6. playing around before the party starts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi's dad gets involved in his personal life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for alcoholism, and both implied and referenced sex
> 
> Title is a piano track oops foreshadowing

Kokichi lay with Kaito's arms wrapped around him. He held a cigarette in his mouth, one Kaito had decided they should just share instead of wasting full ones. His side was already littered with small circular burn marks from what they had previously smoked, which was a surprising amount as Kaito had given in every time he felt a craving. Burns weren't necessarily the best feeling, but he told Kaito to hurt him whenever he felt like it so he couldn't really complain about it. They were barely noticeable compared to the large hickeys and newly formed bruises marking every other part of his body anyways. The dark marks were so pretty to him.

A bottle of vodka stolen from some cabinet downstairs sat on Kaito's bedside table and Kokichi let out a large puff of smoke, passing the cigarette to Kaito and exchanging it for the bottle instead. He didn't even have to do much convincing to get Kaito to grab the alcohol, but he noticed he was barely drinking compared to himself. Maybe he just didn't like the taste of vodka that much, Kokichi knew he sure didn't. But alcohol was alcohol to him, sure his tastes were more… expensive, but he knew most people couldn't afford to down an entire bottle of Cognac every night and have it not be noticeably missing. Despite how much he drank on the regular, he was still fairly lightweight and had gotten easily drunk more than an hour ago. That didn't stop him from wanting to finish off the bottle, however. And Kaito would let him finish the bottle. It just meant they'd have more sex than they'd already had.

It was around 11 p.m when they could hear the front door open and close. Kaito hurriedly buried the pack of cigarettes and the vodka bottle under some clothes in his bottom drawer, muttering something about it being either too early or later than he thought to himself. He left Kokichi alone in his bed as a voice yelled for him downstairs. Kokichi took this moment to look at his phone, seeing almost exactly what he had expected to see. He had a ton of texts and missed calls from both his dad and mom, surprisingly. His mom was never as worried as his dad was when he was gone for a long time. He assumed it was because the school had called and said he hadn't shown up and now he wasn't at home. He had a few texts from Rantarou, too, mostly apologizing for his dad not going along with the lie and instead saying that he had left for school that morning. Kokichi didn't feel like actually reading through any of the messages aside from what he could see in the notification blurb. He didn't want his parents to see any read receipts and genuinely didn't really care about whatever they were texting him about. He simply swiped the notifications away and put his phone back down on the side table. From the way Kaito re-entered the room, Kokichi decided to instead put his phone in his (kind of) sweater pocket.

"You gotta go," Kaito rushed to try and hide the rest of the mess they'd made, dropping the old cigarette butts and ash out of his window and neatening his bed sheets. "I'll drive you home but you can't be here right now. Grandparents are upset."

"I can't go home," Kokichi whined. "Not this late, not today. My dad will be waiting for me."

"You have to, Kokichi!" Kaito yelled. "You can't be here right now. Sneak in or something. I'm sorry."

_ Fuck _ , Kokichi thought, putting on his shoes. Going home wasn't a part of the plan. He didn't know how well sneaking in would go for him, he was pretty drunk and his head hurt just standing up, but he had to leave. He couldn't deny he was scared when Kaito yelled, small tears forming in his eyes but not actually crying yet. He didn't like being yelled at. But Kaito had also used his first name, and he kept replaying it in his head the entire drive to his house. Maybe Kaito felt they were close, or maybe it was something more. Or maybe it was just an enraged accident. Or maybe Kokichi was thinking too much into things again.

"Here's my number," Kaito gave Kokichi a piece of paper, parking a short walk away from Kokichi's house to not be noticed. "I can't pick you up tonight again if things go bad, but just in case. You can text me if you need to."

"Thanks," Kokichi said, adding the number to his phone before leaving the car in fear he would lose the small strip of paper.

Kaito gave him a kiss before he left, turning the car around to go back home. He was a bit more than shocked at the size of Kokichi's house, but didn't have the time to talk about it right now. Kokichi hopped over some bushes that lined the sidewalk and snuck around to the back of his house. He climbed up the vines that surrounded his side of the house, collapsing into his room as the climb had taken too much out of his weak, drunk body. His body made an audible thud, but his dad also made an audible noise.

"Kichi, you in there?" His dad yelled, seemingly from the other side of the hallway. "Surprised you decided to come back home after running away."

Kokichi heard footsteps approaching his door. They weren't very fast, but they sounded hurried. He got up and ran over to his door, locking the lock so his dad wouldn't get in. Sure he was drunk, but he was logical enough to recognize he was in some sort of trouble. He could hear it in the passive-aggressive way his dad spoke, sarcastically and joyed at the same time. He heard the doorknob shake, then a knock.

"I know you're in there," his dad sighed. "A robber wouldn't lock the door. They would just come out and rob us."

_ Fuck _ , Kokichi thought again. He went over to his dresser where he had all of his make-up. There were bruises all over his face, there were hickeys and other bite marks all over his neck. His dad couldn't see him with all that or he'd be in even worse trouble. He was out of concealer.  _ Fuck!  _ Why did he keep an empty jar? When even was the last time he wore makeup like that?

"Open the door, I just want to talk."

He was out of options. His dad had a master key. If he didn't open the door soon, his dad sure would. He sighed and opened the door a crack, hood over his head and lights off obscuring his face. He thought that maybe he should've brushed his teeth or changed his clothes first, as the smell of alcohol and smoke was extremely prominent on him. That's why he never came home after drinking or smoking, he thought it would be too obvious. His dad didn't notice or at least pretended he didn't.

"Where have you been? You didn't come home last night and you didn't show up to school," his dad's voice was still that passive-aggressive tone, but he could hear the underlying anger. His dad tried his best not to yell at him when he was mad.

"I was at Rantarou's place," he lied. Technically it was only half a lie, he had been at Rantarou's place, just not for two days.

"I talked to his dad already, you left this morning. Where did you go? And turn your light on," his dad opened the door wider and reached for the light switch. "I can't talk to you like this."

_ Fuck _ , Kokichi covered his face, not only to hide his bruises, but also to shied his eyes from the bright light.

"I did go to school," Kokichi hissed. "Just not any classes."

"Well, your grades are important, you need to be going to class," his dad scolded him. "What did you do, just hide away all day?"

"Pretty much," he knew better than to talk to his dad so casually, but he didn't care at that point.

"Why?" Kokichi responded simply by uncovering his face and rolling his eyes. "Oh, again?"

"Yeah."

"Who did this?" Kokichi shrugged. He didn't want Kaito in trouble because of him. "I'm going to talk to your mother about having a meeting with your principal tomorrow."

Kokichi's eyes widened in fear. "No, it's fine," he tried to play it off. "I'm not hurt, it doesn't hurt."

"We're going to have a meeting with your principal," his dad sighed. "It's late, get some sleep."

His dad left the room and he shut and locked the door behind him.  _ Fuck, _ he thought.  _ Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck _ he just wanted to scream. He took out his phone and opened up to his messages.

**_11:47 p.m_ **

**_KO:_ ** momota fuck

**_KO:_ ** my parents

**_KO:_ ** they are setting up a meeting with the principal tomorrow

**_KO:_ ** cus they saw the bruises and everything and so my dad thinks the school needs to do something and they're gonna talk to the principal and i've done this before they're gonna talk to me then they're gonna talk to whoever did it or whatever they're suspected of doing and shit

**_KO:_ ** i'm sorry i'm gonna get you in trouble

**_KO:_ ** i'm not gonna say your name i'm gonna try to not talk much and then hopefully they won't find out it's you i'm sorry

**_KM:_ ** calm down babe it's not my first time either i won't be in any trouble neither will you don't worry

Babe? What was all that about? Kokichi ignored it for now. He was crying.

**_KM:_ ** don't worry about it the school knows me they know better than to disrupt conflict between students

**_KM:_ ** not because of me in particular but i guess a teacher got murdered or something like that cuz he stopped a fight a few years ago

**_KM:_ ** i can't talk really rn i'll see you tomorrow don't worry about it

**_KM:_ ** also you left your backpack here so find me in the morning so i can give it back

**_KO:_ ** thanks

Kokichi changed into pajamas, leaving Kaito's smoke-scented hoodie on and climbing into bed. He plugged his phone in and stared out his window, eventually not crying anymore and breathing slower as he drifted to sleep, trying his best not to think of what the next day would bring.

.

The next morning he had gotten ready as usual and left as usual, with the exception that he hadn't stopped at Rantarou's house first so they could walk together. He guessed he was with Shuuichi again and didn't really enjoy third-wheeling. Plus, he was feeling too nervous to talk to anyone. Kaito had told him it was fine, but he couldn't help but feel like it wasn't.

His efforts to avoid Rantarou weren't good enough as he heard his voice calling out his name from behind him. Kokichi picked up his pace, trying to distance himself more from him. It was too late as Rantarou had already caught up, Shuuichi in tow.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked, out of breath.

"No," Kokichi stated, trying to quickly end the conversation and get to school.

"Why do you seem like you're avoiding me then?" Kokichi hadn't texted him back after his apology and he was concerned something had happened.

"I'm not," he sighed. "I just want to get to school right now. I'm third-wheeling anyways, do you really want me here?"

"Dude, stop being so stubborn," Rantarou's voice got surprisingly harsh. "What's up? Something bothering you?"

"Or someone," Shuuichi piped up, Rantarou turning around to shoot him a look.

"My parents are coming to talk to the principal during lunch," Kokichi felt like screaming or kicking something. "My dad waited for me to get home and saw the bruises and stuff so they're both taking off work to come in. Worried that I'm being bullied or something."

"You are being bullied," Rantarou reminded him.

"Yeah, but," _ I love him _ is what he'd like to say, but he knows he can't. Not now, not so soon. "I don't mind the pain. It's never bothered me, nothing's different now."

They spent the rest of the walk talking about random shit. Occasionally, Kokichi had to listen to Rantarou's very obvious flirting and Shuuichi's subtle obliviousness. It annoyed him. Why wouldn't they just date already? It was obvious that's what they both wanted.

"Hey, Saihara," Kokichi asked as they arrived at the gates. "Can you take me to where Momota usually is in the morning? He has something of mine."

"I guess," Shuuichi sighed. "I'll be in the cafeteria in a second," he waved and smiled at Rantarou as he walked away. 

"Are you into him?" Kokichi asked. "He's into you, so you should probably just date."

"I don't want anyone else to have him and would most definitely kill for him but I can't say that out loud without sounding like a psychopath," Shuuichi sighed, face flushed red. "You should stay away from him if you know what's best."

"I don't think I'm who you should be worried about," Kokichi gestured to the group of girls surrounding Rantarou as he entered the school. "He's rich and hot, no surprise all the girls already like him. He's probably turned a few men gay, too. You don't have to worry about me."

Shuuichi huffed and started mumbling random things under his breath as they walked towards the back of the school. Kokichi couldn't quite make out what he was saying, but his face looked increasingly red and his fingers started to bleed from him picking at the skin. Once they found Kaito, he was told to leave and gladly ran into the building.

"Hey."

"Hey."

This felt awkward. Kokichi wanted to cry again. He never felt awkward around the people he slept with, but he usually didn't see the people he slept with again. Kaito was different for some reason.

"Here's your backpack," Kaito handed it over. "I washed your jacket, too. It's in there."

Kokichi rummaged through his bag to make sure nothing was stolen. Of course, he wouldn't actually bring anything steal-worthy or irreplaceable to school, but just in case he felt like he had to check.

"Can I go now?" Kokichi asked once he looked through the whole bag. There weren't many people around, not even Kaede and Miu, and he was starting to get nervous. Kaito wouldn't do anything the day they had to go to the principal, right?

"Not yet," Kaito got closer to Kokichi, backing him into a wall. "There's not too many people around, I was wondering if we could have some fun before class..." His voice was almost seductive, but Kokichi couldn't tell if it was because it was whispered in his ear or because he was backed into a wall.

"Uh-" the bell rang for classes to start right as their lips got close enough they were going to touch. Kokichi couldn't tell if he was being saved or punished.

"I'll see you later," Kaito winked, already walking away. "And try your best to stay quiet for me, okay?"

Kokichi nodded, uselessly as Kaito had already walked away. He took a moment to collect himself, looking down and realizing he was already hard. He couldn't do anything but pull down his jacket and go to class.

He hated it when right before lunch he was called to the office. They called him through the speaker rather than the phone. Everyone turned to look at him. Great. Instead of walking as slow as possible to the office like he planned, he had to get there as quick as he could to avoid the same looks the people in his class gave him. He showed up to the office and they directed him into the principal's office where his parents already sat. Surprisingly, Kaito and his grandparents were there, too. He looked presentable, unlike usual his jacket was fully buttoned and he sat up straight.

"You can take a seat," the principal said, gesturing to the only empty chair in the room. Kokichi sat down in the chair and dropped his bag next to him.

Lunch was his time to get high. He really fucking wishes he was high.

"Do you have any idea why you're here?" The principal asked. Kokichi nodded, hoping by saying yes he wouldn't have to explain anything. "Do you have any idea why Momota is here?" He shook his head no. He said he would keep his mouth shut as much as he could. "Hm, why do you think you're here?"

Ugh. "My dad thinks I'm being bullied," he sighed.

"Are you being bullied?"

"No."

"Why do you think Momota is here?"

"You think he's bullying me?"

"After the altercation yesterday morning, there's reason to believe so. Who gave you all the bruises on your face?"

"I did. I fell coming home last night because I couldn't see." For having another nasty hangover headache, he could lie pretty decent, which was better than when he usually lied. He was a shitty liar.

"Where were you coming from?"

"A friend's house."

"What friend was it?"

Kokichi paused for a second. Kaito answered instead, his voice calm and at his natural tone rather than the lower one Kokichi was used to. "He was at my house. I needed help with some homework and he offered to help me with it." Kokichi could feel a glare come from Kaito's grandmother after he said that, but he didn't want to turn and look.

"And you left school early to do that?"

"I told him I would buy lunch if he helped out, so I took him to lunch."

"This isn't your first time leaving early, but you know you have to be back before lunch is over. Why didn't you come back?"

Kokichi popped back in the conversation. "I was scared of getting caught," fake tears started welling in his eyes. He wasn't good at lying, but at least he was decent at hiding his feelings. "I'm sorry."

The principal sighed. "You two can wait outside, I'll talk to your, um, guardians now."

So they sat right outside the office in the hard, plastic gray chairs. Kokichi stopped crying right as they left the room, shocking Kaito who thought they were real.

"They called me down before your parents even showed up," Kaito explained, undoing a few of the top buttons on his jacket. "Kaede went first and told her I went into the bathroom with you. She said it was an accident, but she's probably just pressed she didn't get to beat the shit out of you."

"Was that believable?" Kokichi asked, eyes drifting from Kaito's face to his now exposed collarbone. Fuck was he hot. He shouldn't have been so focused on it but couldn't help himself.

"Nope," Kaito outright said. "But we're not gonna get in trouble anyways. They really don't care much when this stuff happens."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Kokichi paused before asking his question, causing an awkward silence. "Why did you call me babe last night?"

Kaito couldn't deny he did it on purpose. He just thought Kokichi would be too drunk to actually notice it. Before he could respond, the adults came through the door. Kokichi's dad waved him over for conversation.

"Why did you lie?" He scolded him. "There's no punishment."

"There wasn't going to be a punishment anyways," he scoffed. "You didn't have to do all this, I can deal with it myself like I always do." 

"We're transferring your school," his dad stated. "I don't know why you've been so disrespectful lately."

"You can't do-" he was cut off by Kaito's grandmother speaking very loudly.

"Stop sleeping with every guy you see!" She yelled. "Good thing you beat him up, stealing our liquor and making the whole house smell like tobacco! Stop sleeping with everyone!"

Kokichi's father looked down at him, a hard stare on his face. He wouldn't yell at him in public, but he was definitely in trouble now.

"You've been drinking?" Kokichi nodded. No use lying now. "We'll talk about this later. We have to get back to work."

Kokichi's mom gave him a short hug and then they left. When he turned around, he realized Kaito's grandparents had left, but he was still there.

"Sorry," Kaito didn't make eye contact as he spoke, only showing the half of his face lacking the red spot from where he had just gotten slapped. "Lunch isn't over yet if you're not mad enough to eat with me."

"I didn't bring any food."

"I wasn't planning on doing much eating anyways."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know this chapter doesn't make much sense but it has relevance in the future so just bear with me okay pls
> 
> ALSO thanks for 1k hits that's. Amazing all my other fics that got to 1k I wasn't around to see so like it's great I did that in a short amount of time :) rad
> 
> Next chapter is dark (ish?) I already wrote most of it so be warned.
> 
> As always follow my Instagram I'm thinking of making a Tumblr too but I don't wanna go back there lol


	7. don't threaten me with a good time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Champagne, cocaine, gasoline  
> And most things in between  
> I roam the city in a shopping cart  
> A pack of camels and a smoke alarm
> 
> Or, Kaito takes Kokichi to a party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for blackmail, self harm, talk of rape, gaslighting, mental abuse tactics, self depreciation, sex mention, drugs, alcohol, and implied date rape
> 
> Wasn't lying when I said this chapter would be kinda dark, but it didn't come out how I wanted it to.

Kokichi learned three things at lunch.

One, Kaito's grandparents were going to be gone that weekend like they always are, so Kokichi could just stay with him for the whole weekend.

Two, there was a party that night, and then another party the next night, and Kaito wanted them to go to both together.

And three, Kaito was really fucking good at handjobs. Like really fucking good.

Good to the point Kokichi couldn't stop thinking about it the entire time he was trying to pack his stuff away in his backpack for the weekend. Despite having had almost an entire day of fucking the day prior, he still wanted more and thought about it more. Kaito wasn't making it any easier to forget how horny he was as he sat on his bed and subtly teased him. His parents weren't home yet, so he just decided to get his stuff together and go to Kaito's early, but he insisted on going home with him. He said it was so that he wouldn't have to walk to his house alone. Kokichi thought it was because Kaito wanted to fuck.

"You've got a pretty nice room, but don't you think it's kinda hot in here?" Kaito asked, taking off his jacket and then the button up shirt he wore underneath it, getting ready to take off his red t-shirt as well.

"Keep your clothes on," Kokichi sighed, trying not to pay attention. "Just open the window." 

"Fine, whatever," Kaito got up to open the window. Kokichi was still trying not to pay attention, but he couldn't help staring at his muscles. He was so strong. So very strong. He thought he was flexing on purpose, as it didn't take that much strength to open a window.

"Can you stop it?" Kokichi scowled. "I'm trying to pick out clothes."

"Stop what?" Kaito sat back down on the bed. "And you should wear those shorts, but with fishnets. I think it would make your ass look nice."

"It's October," Kokichi rolled his eyes. "I'm not wearing that. It's slutty and cold outside."

"You're wearing it because I said so, slut," he had that low voice again that could make Kokichi so needy.

"And what if I don't?" Kokichi quieted his voice.

"Then I'll leak that video you sent me," Kaito threatened. "If you think wearing that will make people think you're a slut, wait to see what everyone thinks after that's posted."

Kokichi had been fucked so good he almost forgot it was only happening due to blackmail. He almost forgot Kaito didn't really care about him, that he was there to be used. That he was just some slut or whore.

Did it make him more whore-ish to say he wanted to keep being used? To say he had consented to all the sex not out of fear but out of attraction and horniness? He wanted what he was getting. Sex without promise of commitment. It was the same kind of sex he'd always had, but he couldn't help but feel it was different with Kaito. Like it actually was hurting him somewhere inside that he was just being used this time. Maybe it was because he knew he meant nothing to his soulmate, the person who he's supposed to love forever. He felt the tears coming on and went through the closet looking for a shirt to distract himself. Red long sleeve with a skull on it. Good enough. They matched with the shoes he wanted to wear. He wasn't even in his goth phase anymore, he just thought the clothes looked nice.

"You should just get changed now," Kaito suggested. "Then you don't have to bring your uniform."

"Okay," Kokichi gathered the outfit in his arms and headed towards the bathroom.

"In front of me," Kaito grinned. Kokichi hated his stupid grin. It was nothing but trouble. He knew he had to listen.

Kokichi unbuttoned his jacket and threw it on the floor, quickly covering himself with the shirt. He hated those stupid bruises and hickeys Kaito gave him. He didn't want Kaito to see them. He didn't want to give him that feeling of accomplishment or pride or whatever he got out of it. He rushed the same way with his pants, exposing more of the bruises under the fishnets than he wanted exposed.

"You look hot," Kaito licked his lips, looking him up and down.

"Sure," Kokichi sighed. "Can I go to the bathroom now?"

"Why?"

"I have to fucking piss."

"Whatever."

So Kokichi goes to the bathroom and locks the door. The minute that door was locked he started crying. He opened up the mirror cabinet and grabbed some random pill bottle out of his collection and a razor blade. He knew the pills probably wouldn't kill him or get him high, but it felt good to take them and feel like he might get either outcome anyways. He just wanted to hurt. He had peeled off the labels on all the bottles so he never knew what it was that he took and couldn't look specifically for something that would kill him. It was Russian Roulette, in some sense. He poured a few out into his hand and put them in his mouth individually, using the water from the sink to help swallow them.

Kokichi started to feel better, but he still felt hurt. What would make it not hurt? The forgotten razor in his hand. He had been pressing it down into his palm hard enough that a cut had formed and started bleeding. He couldn't even feel it. Were the pills making him numb? He decided to test his theory. He took off the stupid shorts and stupid tights Kaito thought he looked nice in and pushed the blade straight into his thigh. Once he felt it pierce his skin, he dragged it across. Bubbles of blood formed from the cut. He could feel it. He didn't want to feel it. He kept going until he couldn't. Or at least until Kaito knocked on the door.

"Are you alright in there?" He asked.

"Yeah," Kokichi panicked, putting the razor and bottle of pills back in the cabinet and taking out a roll of bandages as a replacement. The cuts were visible. Out of anger he wanted one or two to show, but not to be as visible as they were. There were more visible on his thigh than there would be hiding under his shorts. He had to cover them up. "Hold on a sec, I'll be out soon."

"Hurry up," Kaito complained.

"The party isn't until like 8 and it's like," Kokichi turned on his phone screen while wetting a cloth to clean up the blood. "It's like 3 right now. I'll take my time."

"You haven't finished packing yet and I would prefer leaving before your parents come back," he continued to complain.

"They won't come back until late, it doesn't matter if they want to yell at me or not," Kokichi wished Kaito would just shut the fuck up. The white cloth he used to clean up with was now covered in shades of red and brown, but the cuts kept leaking blood. Kaito kept messing him up whenever he opened his mouth and the bandage already had many blood stains on it.

"Hurry up anyways," he groaned. Kokichi messed up the gauze again.

"Can you just shut up for one second?" He was tired of constantly rewrapping the bandage. "You're only making things harder."

"What are you doing in there?"

"Nothing. Shut up."

"I'm coming in."

"Don't-" Kokichi unfortunately didn't have locks on his private bathroom door, because it was, you know, supposed to be private. He regretted not just buying a lock for it himself.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kaito almost yelled.

"Get out," Kokichi was certainly trying not to yell. "Get out."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I said get out!"

"You're just cutting for no reason. Do you just want fucking attention?"

"I have my fucking reasons!" Kokichi was a bit too close to snapping. "Get the fuck out!"

"You let me see your cuts before, let me fucking help you dumbass!" 

"That's probably because you were fucking raping me!"

"Are you kidding me?" Kaito scoffed. "Don't push this shit on me. You agreed to it. And you stayed after and practically begged for more. You're only saying that so you sound like less of a whore."

"I had to say yes!" Kokichi had snapped. He'd had it. "I had no choice to! This is literally your fault! I'm cutting and it's because of you! I can't fucking-"

Kaito slapped his face so that he'd just stop talking. "I'm not a rapist. If you had said no then I wouldn't have forced you to do anything. You didn't say no. You agreed to everything. I'm not forcing you to cut, you made that decision yourself. Shut the fuck up and let me bandage this like you're supposed to."

The look on Kaito's face was scary and Kokichi wanted to argue so bad, but he knew better. Kaito was scary. Kaito was mean. Kaito would hurt him. He had no idea what Kaito wanted from or expected of him. Kaito would hurt him if he messed up. He still felt in love with him, and he hated himself more for it. Maybe it was the withdrawal from all the drugs messing with his head.

Kaito's touch was gentle on his thigh, and Kokichi thought about what he said. He couldn't blame Kaito. This was all his fault. He wouldn't have felt so hurt if he hadn't been so stupid and sent that stupid video he was being blackmailed with. And Kaito was right, he had wanted it. Maybe not at first, but once they started he did. He hadn't even registered it as rape until he had said it out loud. Did it make any difference that he had changed his mind to a yes? He didn't know. He said yes in the first place even though he didn't mean it. He felt conflicted. Kaito was being nice with him. Kaito touched him gently. Kaito wouldn't hurt him. Kaito cared about him. Kaito wasn't a bad person. He told himself that over and over again until he started to cry again.

"Was I doing it too hard? Is it too tight?" Kaito asked. Kokichi shook his head. "What's up?"

Kokichi opened his mouth to speak but the tears came harder. Kaito pulled him in close for a hug and Kokichi wanted to push him away but it felt so warm and nice. It felt safe to be held in Kaito's arms. It felt like Kaito cared about him.

"Stop it, I-" Kaito paused for a second. "Ugh, we're gonna be late at this pace. Put on some pants or something. You can wear whatever you want."

"I wanna wear it," Kokichi mumbled into his chest, hiccuping as an after effect of crying. "You said I'd look nice and then you said I looked hot so I'll wear it for you. I want to wear it for you because you picked it out for me."

"Well you gotta put-" Kaito started to separate from Kokichi, until Kokichi held him tighter to his chest.

"I want to stay like this for a little longer first," he said, so they did.

Eventually Kokichi picked out his clothes for the weekend and shoved them into his backpack. Eventually they went over to Kaito's house. Eventually they got bored after watching tv for a while and decided to have sex. Eventually it was time for the party.

"Who's house is this?" Kokichi asked as the car pulled up to the front of the very large house.

"Fuck if I know," Kaito shrugged.

"A stranger invited you to a party?" Kokichi felt somewhat worried now. He didn't like strangers.

"Happens most of the time," it was rare Kaito was invited to a party by a person he actually knew. "So that means we're gonna have some rules. Repeat after me so I actually know you get it. No leaving with strangers. You're only mine to fuck."

"No leaving with strangers. I'm all yours."

"No leaving drinks unattended."

"No leaving drinks unattended."

"No alcohol."

"What?" Kokichi pouted. "I can't drink at a party?"

"Fine," Kaito rolled his eyes. "2 drink max."

"Alrighty." Kokichi grinned.

"No drugs."

"You're being irrational."

"Dude, just stay away from drugs," Kaito rolled his eyes. He hated drugs.

"I haven't gotten high in two days and you expect me to just not do drugs?" Kokichi whined. "It's a party! There's gonna be party drugs! And I want them!"

"No, repeat after me," Kaito started again. "No drugs."

Kokichi sighed in defeat. "No drugs."

"And don't leave my side," Kaito added. "You don't have to repeat that one. Just don't go wandering off on your own."

Kokichi didn't listen to most of those rules for long. After he had run off somewhere, Kaito found him sitting at a bar talking to a stranger who looked significantly older than him. He barely took his mouth off the cup in his hand to talk.

"Hey, babe," Kaito said, walking over. "Who's this?"

"Babe?" Kokichi questioned, finally lowering the cup.

"Is my boyfriend bothering you?" Kaito turned to the stranger. "I'm so sorry, I lost track of him. He just loves bothering people."

The stranger found it awkward to stay there and left, Kaito taking his seat instead.

"Hi, boyfriend," Kokichi smirked.

"That's a lie to get you away from strangers," Kaito put his head in his hands. "Don't think too much into it." 

"If we're not dating, why can't I fuck other people? If you wanted to fuck a stranger, I bet you would. Are you jealous or something? Why can't I sleep with rando's?" Kokichi rambled.

"What are you drinking?" Kaito took the cup from his hands.

"Sprite."

"Why's the sprite purple?"

"That's just the color of the cough syrup?" Kokichi tried to take the cup back. "Have you never had cough syrup before?"

"Why's there cough syrup in your Sprite?"

"There's codeine -I think- and some other pill I can't pronounce in there too. That's just how you make lean, I think."

Kaito sighed. "Where did you get this."

"That guy," Kokichi pointed at some guy hiding in a far corner.

"I'm throwing this out," Kaito said. "There's probably more drugs than what you said in here."

"No!" Kokichi pleaded. "I'll just get another full cup if you don't let me finish this one first!"

"Dude, you're such a fucking addict," Kaito reluctantly gave him the cup back.

"Do you want to try it?" Kokichi offered.

"No. I gotta keep an eye on you all night apparently," Kaito shook his head in disappointment.

"More for me," he giggled, downing more of the concoction.

Kokichi eventually wandered away again when Kaito wasn't paying attention. While looking for him, he ran into an old friend who didn't like parties much at all. Her hair was cut much shorter than the last time he had seen her, but it was still pretty long, going down to her knees.

"Maki?" He asked, tapping her on the shoulder. She turned around, her hair swishing as she moved her head.

"Kaito?" The long-haired girl, Maki, responded.

"Oh hey, it's you!" Kaito gave her a quick hug. "What is miss graduated-two-years-early-even-though-she-dropped-out-but-shes-so-smart-she-just-skipped-grades-when-she-came-back doing at a party? A big club-like party at that?"

"I need to go to at least one college party while I'm in college," she awkwardly laughed. "But I guess they must be more fun when you're still in high school, huh? I heard a rumour that you go to a lot of these parties."

"Every week," he was serious, but it came off as a joke. "It's pretty tiring, though."

"Oh, is it now?" She laughed. "Do you want to find a seat and talk there instead of the middle of the dance floor?"

Kaito scanned the room again, looking in the direction he could feel eyes burning into him. There was Kokichi, sitting at the bar again, a different drink in his hand than before. They locked eyes as Kaito said "Sure, why not?"

Kaito felt he was getting too close to Kokichi, or rather Kokichi was getting too close to him. He needed the distance to get any thoughts of love out of not only Kokichi's head, but his own too. He said he'd never love him, and while it wasn't a promise he was still determined to keep his words. Kokichi was a wreck, and who could love a wreck? Certainly not Kaito. That was his toy and he was determined to keep it that way. No more, no less. As long as they were soulmates, it would always be that way.

"Do you drink?" Maki asked, noticing how much he was staring at the bar during their now seated conversation.

"Not heavily," he said. "And when I do it's not really anything with too much alcohol in it. Just beer, usually, even though it tastes like shit."

"What do you keep looking at the bar for?" She asked again. "Is there a person there you're thinking about hitting on like usual?"

"It's not like that," he turned back to face her instead.

"Then what is it like?" She kept pestering.

Kaito thought for a second. He hadn't seen Maki in forever and he was already about to lie to her. "It's not like anything. Just spaced out for a sec. How's college going for you?"

The conversation continued for hours but Kaito kept unconsciously monitoring everything Kokichi was doing. He had finished two large drinks, got up and went somewhere, came back to have some shots, went with some girl, drank some more, and went with someone else just over and over again. Kaito realized that his expectations were maybe too high for starters. He wasn't expecting Kokichi to listen, but at the same time he was kinda expecting him to listen. At least he had only talked to strangers and hadn't left the party with one yet.

Kokichi currently sat at the bar engaged in conversation with a stranger. He wasn't really paying attention to what the stranger was saying, but he was also too high and drunk to really care. He just knew the guy had been there for a while and seemed interested in him. He couldn't tell if Kaito was mad at him by the way he kept looking at him from but he was mad at Kaito so it didn't matter to him. What happened to not going home with strangers? He had been talking to that girl for hours. Kokichi wouldn't admit that he was jealous if Kaito were to ask.

"Can I buy you a drink?" The stranger asked. "I noticed you've just been taking a lot of shots."

"Is there anything wrong with shots?" Kokichi asked, taking another shot.

"No, I just thought it would be nice to let you taste something with a little more alcohol," the stranger called over the bartender and ordered the most expensive cocktail on the menu before Kokichi had time to agree to it.

"You didn't have to buy this," Kokichi took a sip. It was very sweet, but also tasted very heavily of alcohol.

"No, it's alright," the stranger said. "Alright if I can try it too."

"Go ahead," Kokichi passed the drink over. He noticed as the stranger lightly gripped the straw that something had fallen out of his hand and into the drink. Was he drugging him?

"Mm, tastes good," the stranger said. "You're lucky to have that."

"You can have it if you want," Kokichi felt his heart start to beat faster.

"I bought it for you," the stranger passed the drink back over.

Kokichi bit his lip as he looked back at the table Kaito was sitting at. He was still chatting up that girl, except now they were walking away together. In the direction of the front door. He was pissed. He wouldn't mind making Kaito as pissed as he was. Kaito knew Kokichi could see him. It had to have been on purpose. Two could play that game. He took a long sip of the strangers drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter you can get some insight into why Kokichi's thought and behavioral patterns are the way they are  
> .  
> 


	8. I don't have a song for this one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi fucking hates everything that ever happened to him and Kaito Can't Seem To Fucking Get It!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW; rape mention, self-harm, mental, verbal and physical abuse, drugs
> 
> If this chapter doesn't make much sense it's because halfway through I realized [redacted], went to rewrite four different drafts, and came back to finish this one because the other four were equally as shitty but this one made me feel better. It also seems incomplete. Yeah. Apologies.

If Kokichi had to guess, it had to have been around 3 in the morning when men stopped coming in the room he couldn't seem to get out of. Or, so he thought, as he heard the same click of the doorknob he had been hearing for the past four hours. As the door opened, he could hear the previously muffled music get louder, reminding him that the party wasn't over yet and that he wouldn't be safe until he was. He quickly stopped himself from crying and wiped the tears away on the sheet. People don't find it hot if you cried during sex, it makes them feel bad. Especially if they already know it's against your will. He didn't want to make anyone feel bad for using him.

"Kokichi?" A familiar voice said. He would've turned to confirm who it was if he felt strong enough to move.

Before he could even get any words out, the tears started falling again. He could hear the click of the lock on the doorknob being turned as he covered his face. He knew he shouldn't cry like that. He knew he was going to get used again as the footsteps got closer.

"Hey, you don't have to hide," Kokichi felt as his hands were gently removed from his face and was relieved to see Kaito's face was more of concern than lust. "What did they do to you?"

"They-," the sobs got worse. "I thought-"

"Take your time," Kaito said. He would've given him a hug, but he didn't know how he felt about being touched now. Plus, he didn't have any clothes on. "You can tell me when you're better. Where are your clothes?"

Honestly, Kokichi had no idea. He was pretty sure someone had stolen them as a joke or to make more people touch him or whatever, but he knew his clothes were gone. Not that he cared much, he wouldn't wear them again after tonight anyways. He just shrugged in response.

"Here," Kaito took off the hoodie he had wrapped around his waist and handed it to Kokichi. "Put it on. We're leaving."

Kokichi could barely sit up and pull the hoodie over his head. It hurt him just to move really. More tears came, but this time he got the sleeves of the jacket wet rather than the strangers sheets. It felt good to finally be wearing something, even if it wasn't much. It felt warm.

"Get up," Kaito said. "I don't want you to be here any longer than you have to be."

Kokichi didn't like the way Kaito was talking. It felt too intimidating. His tears worsened, not only from trying to make his legs move more than he already had but also from recognizing the tone Kaito used was similar to the tone one of the many men had used.

"Can you walk?" Kokichi shook his head when Kaito asked. "Can I pick you up?"

Kokichi was hesitant. He didn't want to be touched anymore, but he knew he wanted to leave. He also knew that Kaito would probably touch him anyways. He nodded and Kaito picked him up bridal style, unlocking the room door and carrying him downstairs. The already loud music sounded even louder to Kokichi, but even though it gave him such a terrible headache at least it was blocking out all of his shitty thoughts and memories. There were no actual lights on in the house, just flashing neons coloring the walls and bouncing off of people. Kokichi felt like passing out.

"Hey Kaito! Whaddya think of the party?" A new stranger asked as they approached the door. "You got a babe there, huh? Pretty sweet party right?"

"Your party fucking sucked," Kaito deadpanned. "Stop inviting pedos and other creeps or stop inviting high schoolers. Not approved. You're over with."

"What?" The stranger seemed taken aback.

"Never recommending this place," Kaito adjusted his hold on Kokichi and flipped off the stranger, walking out of the building and to his car.

Kokichi knew from Shuuichi that Kaito got invited to a lot of parties, but he had no idea what Kaito meant when he said that place was over with. Why did he get invited to so many parties? What exactly was his influence? He realized just how much he didn't actually know about his soulmate.

"You don't have to sit up front," Kaito said. "You can lay down in the back seat if you want."

"I'm fine," Kokichi said. His voice was much shakier and broken than he had wanted it to be. He tried to make his voice sound more like he didn't care as he slid into the front seat. "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

The drive back was quiet. Kokichi's headache wasn't helping his drowsiness, but as he kept drifting off he realized he couldn't actually sleep. His thoughts were keeping him awake, the bad memories were keeping him awake. He opted to just look at Kaito's face instead to try and get rid of the thoughts, but every time Kaito noticed he turned away.

He wasn't crying anymore, but his face was still wet and his sleeves were now wet and wiping his face with them would just make it more wet. At least Kaito noticed him shivering and turned on the heat. It felt wrong for him to ask for anything right now. He betrayed Kaito's trust and was already surprised he hadn't left him alone at the party. Kokichi was even more surprised when Kaito had handed him his phone he forgot was in the room. There were so many missed calls and texts from him, at least 10, but what really got him were the texts from the unknown senders. They were just a ton of videos, not even videos he knew were being taken, and there were threats along with them. He tried his best not to cry or throw up in Kaito's car as he felt his heartbeat start to get faster. He knew looking wasn't going to make anything better for him, but he couldn't keep his eyes off the phone. He hadn't even realized he had started crying again until Kaito tapped his shoulder. He hadn't realized the car stopped.

"Wanna go inside?" Kaito asked. "You can take a bath or shower if you want and put on comfortable clothes and you can go to sleep or we can watch a movie, or something. Whatever you want to do."

"I want to tell you," Kokichi said, turning to face Kaito and forgetting how wet his face was. "But we have to stay in the car. I don't want to go in and have you come back out because you don't want me here anymore."

"That's fine," Kaito said. "But don't push yourself because I'll-" Because I'll still love you is what Kaito wanted to say, but he'd never love Kokichi. "Because I'll let you stay anyways." 

"Okay," Kokichi's heart was going too fast for him to be comfortable with.

"Take your time," Kaito said after a bit. Not that he wanted to hear what happened, he already knew, he just thought it would probably help to make Kokichi not feel like he was alone.

"Can you turn on the radio?" Kokichi asked, tugging at his sleeves. "It's too quiet."

"Sure," Kaito turned it on and changed it to some no commercial channel he had found a while ago. He felt the singing might make it hard to focus, but he had yet to find an instrumental channel.

After at least ten minutes of humming along to some songs, Kokichi started to talk. "I knew he was drugging me. And I was angry and drunk and high on like four different things so I just drank it anyways. I thought it would be just him but there were other people in the room and it was just like before just like-" he could actually start to feel the tears coming out of his eyes as he spoke. "The drug wore off in like an hour but they kept going and doing whatever and eventually new guys started coming in and there were so many people and I was scared."

Kaito just stared at him without saying anything. Kokichi felt he had said something wrong. "I'm calling the police," Kaito said after a few minutes passed.

"You can't!" Kokichi shoved his phone in Kaito's hands. "They have videos! And cops don't believe when you tell them you were raped especially if you're a guy! You can't call them!"

Kaito didn't have to read the texts to believe Kokichi was being blackmailed. If he would do it, he didn't doubt some creeps wouldn't. "You gotta do something about this," Kaito said. "Like your parents or someone who can help."

"Momota I'll be honest with you I'm drunk as shit and am on so many different drugs I can't just tell somebody that," Kokichi sighed, burying his face in his sleeves. "This isn't the first time, nothing ends up happening so it doesn't matter."

"What do you mean?" Kaito couldn't tell if he was prying too much, but until Kokichi told him to stop he wanted to keep asking. Maybe he was being too much. Kokichi was still crying.

"When I was in like, first grade. My parents knew and tried to sue the place but nothing happened so it's whatever," Kokichi rolled his eyes.

"What place?" Kaito kept prying.

"Some talent agency I was under," Kokichi loudly groaned. He was tired of questions. "It doesn't matter."

"Do you want to go inside now?" Kaito asked a question that wasn't so personal. He had more questions, but Kokichi was acting understandably stubborn. "You look like you could use some actual clothes."

"You still want me to stay?" Kokichi was shocked that Kaito wasn't mad. Or at least Kaito hadn't said he was mad.

"Yeah," Kaito said. "Why wouldn't I want you to? Plus last night you freaked out about going home drunk."

"They probably know about my habits after that meeting," Kokichi just rolled his eyes again. "I'm probably gonna end up back in counseling."

"You can tell me more about that inside," Kaito said, already out of the car and opening Kokichi's door. "Want me to pick you up again?"

Kokichi nodded and Kaito lifted him out of the seat. He felt a sharp pain in his legs as Kaito put him down for a second to unlock the door. He started to wonder if he'd end up going to school on Monday. He started to wonder how he'd even go home in that shape. Kaito took him upstairs to his bedroom and put him on the bed. He felt a feeling of worry as he remembered Kaito was just using him like all the guys at the party were.

"Do you want to take a shower or a bath or something?" Kaito asked. "Not that you're, like, dirty or anything, just thought it might feel good right now."

"I am extremely dirty, Momota," was all Kokichi said in response.

"I guess I'll start the bath," was all Kaito had to say.

The water was hot, but not hot enough that it made Kokichi's skin burn. It was hot, but it was a comfortable heat. It reminded him of the heat in Kaito's car. It reminded him of Kaito. Suddenly, he wished the water was a bit colder. Kokichi looked down at his skin, littered with bruises and burns and bites and miscellaneous other markings. He wanted to cover them up. He couldn't tell which ones Kaito made. His veins had little red prick marks in them from where he had some kind of drug unwillingly injected. He no longer had an idea of how many different drugs he'd taken, but he knew he had at least done three willingly. He was so focused on his body that he had forgotten Kaito was sitting right next to him on the floor of the bathroom.

"I think I'm gonna order a pizza," he spoke up in the weird silence. He insisted on letting Kokichi get some privacy, but Kokichi counter-insisted he didn't leave him alone.

"Pizza sounds good," Kokichi said after realizing Kaito was talking to him. He didn't feel hungry but was suddenly aware of the sharp pain in his stomach. That pain was usually the only thing reminding him to eat every day.

"What kind do you want," Kaito asked, listing off some options he thought sounded good from the menu.

"Just pepperoni is fine," Kokichi said, still not completely in the conversation. He pulled his legs up to his chest as the stomach pain got worse, but that just made his lower area hurt more than it had before.

"That's boring." 

"Then get whatever you want. I'm not gonna eat it anyways."

Kaito called in the order and suddenly the bathroom was silent again. Kokichi wasn't enjoying the quiet, but it comforted him in a way. He closed his eyes but all he could visualize was all of his bad memories, both new and old. He opened his eyes again. He wasn't going to sleep that night.

He looked down at his arm and compared it to his thigh. Bandages removed, all the cuts were bright red and irritated. The water stung when he put his knees back into the water. It was a good pain, he knew he could control it. He looked at Kaito leaning against the side of the tub.

"Can you cut me again?" Kokichi asked.

"No," Kaito responded.

"But-" Kokichi prepared to argue.

"Did you bring your razor here?" Kaito asked, standing up and grabbing the backpack which sat on the counter, unzipping a pocket. "I swear if you did-"

The doorbell rang, cutting him off. He left the backpack and felt around his pockets for his wallet. "I'm going to be quick, don't do anything," Kaito threatened. Kokichi nodded slowly, knowing he was going to do something anyway and that the punishment would probably be harsh.

The second Kaito closed the bathroom door Kokichi got out of the tub. He groaned as the pain in his legs felt worse. It was too cold outside the water for his liking, so he was quick with taking the box cutter out of his backpack and getting back in the tub. He lifted the leg with no cuts up slightly and dug the blade into his skin. He kept pushing it deeper down, wondering if he would eventually hit bone. The more he pushed, the more blood started leaking from the small hole he had made. He dragged the blade vertically, keeping it down with the same amount of force he had used to start. The blood trailed down his thigh and dripped into the water. He watched it drip, satisfied with his work.

Then he heard the front door slam shut and snapped out of his trance. Kokichi dipped his leg back into the water to get all of the blood off and winced in pain as it burned. The water was slowly getting more and more red. He panicked, pulling the drain plug up and getting out of the tub. He quickly patted himself dry with the towel but the blood kept leaking out. Kaito was coming up the stairs. He hid the box cutter under some clothes in his backpack and rushed to put on the other pair of clothes in the bag. He was shirtless when Kaito opened the door. The bathtub hadn't drained fully.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He almost yelled. Kokichi could feel his headache coming back.

"I wanted to get out," Kokichi lied, averting his eyes and grabbing his shirt.

"That's bullshit and you know it," Kaito pointed at the water. "It's fucking red. Where is it?"

"Where is what?" He pulled the shirt over his head. He could feel the blood dripping down his leg. He needed to sit down.

"Stop playing fucking dumb!" Kaito grabbed the backpack and dumped its contents on the counter. "Where is it?"

"Stop it!" Kokichi tried to grab Kaito's arm but he was pushed away. He continued to look through the contents.

"Take off your pants," Kaito said, holding the box cutter in his hand and pointing it at Kokichi. There was still fresh blood on the blade.

"No," Kokichi could feel the tears starting to form in his eyes. "I didn't do anything."

"Then fucking show me!" Kaito was yelling now. "Take them off before I do!"

"Please don't," he choked back the tears. "Stop it."

He couldn't say much more as Kaito pinned him against the wall and started to untie the knot he had made on his sweatpants. The tears were coming as Kaito held the blade to his throat. He knew Kaito saw the cut when his other hand punched into his already bruised side and the yelling started again.

"What the fuck is wrong with you," Kaito slapped him in the face. "What the fuck is your problem! Do you just want attention? You weren't even trying to hide it!"

"I just-" he was hit in the face again.

"Shut the fuck up!" Kaito kept yelling. "What were you expecting? What did you expect I would do? This?" He took the blade away from Kokichi's throat and rolled up his sleeve, doing one slice on his arm deep enough it would bleed. "Did you fucking want this?" Kaito walked over to the still draining tub and squeezed his arm. The water turned black. "Is that what you wanted to see?"

"I just got raped, Momota," Kokichi pulled his sweatpants back up and tied them again. "So sorry I wanted to feel something." 

"Feel what? What did you want to fucking feel?" Kaito yelled more. "I gave you the attention you wanted, what more do you want?"

"I want to feel a pain I can fucking control!" Kokichi started to yell despite the tears running down his face. "It doesn't have to do with you, you selfish bitch! I've already fucking accepted you don't care about me and that you'll never love me and that you're using me just like those guys were! It doesn't have to fucking do with you! I only fucking asked you to do it so you wouldn't get pissed I did it myself!"

"Get out." Kaito's voice lowered.

"What?" Kokichi asked, voice almost a whisper. He hated yelling, it made his throat hurt too much.

"Get out of my fucking house before I do something worse to you," Kaito started to yell again.

And so Kokichi left. He left his backpack and it's spilled contents all over the bathroom floor, grabbed his phone and walked out the house. He didn't know where he planned on going when he took a right turn instead of a left, he just knew he wasn't going home, at least not that night. The bright street lights were blurry as he couldn't stop himself from crying, the pain in his legs growing unbearable the further he walked. He soon came across an alleyway with a bench in it. It definitely looked suspicious, but he thought his legs would give out if he stood for any longer and took a seat. It couldn't have been more than five minutes when someone approached him.

"What are you doing in an alley at 4 in the morning, Kokichi?"

"I could ask the same of you, Amami-chan."

Rantarou sighed and sat next to Kokichi on the bench. "I'm buying weed. Your turn."

"Momota kicked me out and I'm stoned and drunk probably and don't want to go home," Kokichi put bluntly. "And I went to some party and my legs hurt so I needed to sit down. And I cut one of my thighs really deep and last time I checked it was still bleeding. I can't walk well."

"Sounds like a pretty kinky party," Rantarou laughed. "Why'd you cut?"

"If by kinky you mean 'have fun getting drugged and repeatedly gangbanged,' yeah it was kinky," Kokichi could feel his phone start to vibrate in his pocket. "Anyways can you buy me some edibles? I left all my cash at Momota's but you know I'll pay you back."

"Are you serious?" Rantarou asked.

"Yeah I'm serious," Kokichi blinked at the question. The buzzing in his pocket got more frequent. "I'll pay you back Monday."

"No, are you serious about getting, y'know," Rantarou asked again, not wanting to say what Kokichi meant.

"Raped? 100%," Kokichi responded, trying to ignore all the vibrations in his pocket. "And I'm all fucked now and don't have a place to go."

"I'm gonna beat the shit out of-"

"Momota didn't do it. Don't worry about it. Not the first time."

"Did he kick you out because he knew what happened?" Rantarou looked at the time on his phone. His dealer was late, but he didn't mind talking to his friend while he waited.

"He kicked me out 'cuz he told me not to cut and I did anyway and called him self-centered," Kokichi took out his phone, tired of the constant buzzing. All the messages were from Kaito.

_**3:58 A.M** _

_**KM**_ : where the hell are you

 _ **KM**_ : come back

 _ **KM**_ : now

_**4:03 A.M** _

_**KM**_ : where did you go

 _ **KM**_ : pick up your phone

 _ **KM**_ : tell me where you are

 _ **KM**_ : you left like all your stuff here

 _ **KM**_ : come back or tell me where you are

**_4:07 A.M_ **

_**KM**_ : I'm sorry alright

 _ **KM**_ : I didn't mean to get mad like that

 _ **KM**_ : I'm going to your house to see if you're there if you don't pick up

 _ **KO**_ : don't

 _ **KM**_ : where are you fucking bitch

 _ **KM**_ : are you fucking whoring yourself out

 _ **KM**_ : ???

 _ **KM**_ : fucking slut

 _ **KM**_ : where the fuck did you go

 _Read_.

"Amami-chan, where are we?" Kokichi asked.

"Is Momota texting you?" Rantarou asked in response.

"No," Kokichi sighed.

"Yes he is, just stop responding to him. Leave him on read," Rantarou stated. The dealer arrived and he stood up to talk to him.

_**4:09 A.M** _

_**KM**_ : you don't just leave me on read

 _ **KM**_ : you're mine you have to respond to me bitch

 _ **KO**_ : shut the fuck up i was trying to find out where i am

 _ **KO**_ : idk where i am still but im in an alley

 _ **KO**_ : somewhere in the direction of mcdonalds

 ** _KM_** : walk to McDonald's and I'll meet you there

 _ **KO**_ : why

 _ **KM**_ : I'm taking you back to my place

 _ **KO**_ : i guessed oh well

 _ **KO**_ : hold on im doing something

 _ **KM**_ : are you having sex in an alleyway

 _ **KM**_ : freak wtf whore

Read.

"Can we hurry this up?" Kokichi asked, not noticing the two in front of him were already exchanging goods.

"We're done," Rantarou said, throwing a pack of cookies at him.

Kokichi held the bag close to him and started walking away. He counted six cookies in the bag. Those would last him a while, hopefully. His phone started buzzing in his pocket and a voice called out from behind him.

"Where are you going?" Rantarou spoke up.

"Somewhere that isn't here," Kokichi said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Another call from Kaito. Rejected. He walked faster to get away from Rantarou, but he caught up quickly.

"Are you meeting up with Momota?" Rantarou pestered.

"No," Kokichi lied. He reached to pull the hood over his head but realized he had left without a jacket. It was cold.

"So you are," Rantarou sighed. "Nothing good's gonna come out of that, but I think you already know that."

"I don't care," Kokichi wished he had a hood to hide behind, or at least a jacket to cover his goosebump-covered and reddened arms. "We're supposed to be soulmates, I'll spend as much time with him as he lets me. I'll spend enough time with him then he might end up falling in love with me."

"Where did you get all those bruises?" Rantarou asked.

"The stupid fucking party."

"And?"

"And nowhere else like you think."

"Kokichi," Rantarou grabbed him by the shoulders and made him stop walking. "Kokichi. You had bruises before that. Stop defending him, he's abusing you and he's using you."

"He's supposed to love me," Kokichi wouldn't make eye contact. "If I don't give him a chance, nobody will. You only get one soulmate."

"That's not true," Rantarou tried reassuring him.

"Yes it is, or else I'd be taking someone's soulmate from them," Kokichi started rambling to prevent himself from starting to cry again. "Like with you, I loved you and you loved me, but you have your own soulmate so now I just love you as a friend. I don't want to take you from your soulmate, and I don't want to take their chance of love. And like, you have Saihara now, and you're dating and he's your soulmate and I don't want to take that from you. So Momota is my only chance of love right now, and I don't think he's abusing me, I think he is just kind of mean sometimes."

"Me and Shuuichi aren't dating," Rantarou looked confused. "He doesn't want to date anyone he isn't soulmates with. And he doesn't want to test it out yet."

"So you can kiss me?" Kokichi asked, hearing a car in the distance.

"Sure, why?" Rantarou asked. The car was getting closer.

"Because I want to," Kokichi said. He pulled Rantarou's face down and gave him a long kiss, aware of the headlights shining on him but not breaking it until the horn beeped. "Thanks, for that and the cookies."

"You're not seriously going to go back with him after he kicked you out," Rantarou scoffed. "You can stay at my house if you don't want to go home."

"I have a party to go to later," Kokichi said. "And I don't really want to go home for a long time. Don't want to discuss therapy. Text me later?"

"Kokichi-" Rantarou wanted to convince him not to go, but he had already disappeared into the car.

It was warm in the car, but the atmosphere was cold. He was grateful Kaito had come and picked him up instead of walking all the way back on his own. Not that he had gotten far with his limp anyways, but the pain was unbearable and it was so cold out. He waited for Kaito to say something before he did, but the words didn't come out and they were soon back at the house. Kaito didn't hold him this time, just unlocking the door, pulling him inside, and locking the door again.

"What were you doing out there?" There was obvious anger in Kaito's voice, but he was trying not to yell again.

"Just walking around," Kokichi stood in front of the door, prepared to leave again if he needed to.

"Just walking around," he let out a short laugh. "Walking around with your fucking limp. I doubt you were just fucking walking around."

"Well I went to the store," he could feel his heart beating. He shouldn't have come back.

"And then what? You just happened to meet Amami out there?" Kaito asked.

"Yeah, he gave me some of the cookies he bought," he held the bag out in front of him.

"So what, you just make out with him?" Kaito's agitation raised the more he spoke. "You were gone for like 20 fucking minutes." 

"Yeah, payment," Kokichi smiled. "Like a whore, the kiss was payment."

"I'm sorry about that."

"No you're fucking not."

"Yes I am."

"Whatever."

"Okay."

The conversation ended. Kaito walked off to some other room but Kokichi stayed at the door. It didn't feel like he was wanted there. He just turned around and grabbed the door handle.

"Come with me," Kaito said, walking out from the room he was in.

"You want me here?" Kokichi turned around at the sudden invitation.

"I wouldn't bring you back if I didn't," he walked back in the room.

Kokichi followed him into the room. He had to walk through the kitchen to get through the large doorway Kaito had emerged from. He guessed the room was a living room from the TV mounted above a fireplace and the couch in front of it. The couch was L shaped and had blankets and pillows covering it, but not the typical decor pillows and instead pillows you would sleep with. The pizza he had forgotten about sat in an open box on the small wooden table in front of the couch with a large bottle of sprite next to it and two empty cups. The fireplace was lit and the TV was open to Netflix. It felt cozy.

"Surprise?" Kaito said. Kokichi couldn't tell if it was a statement or a question. "I guessed you wouldn't want to sleep in the same bed because that's too close so I just set up the couch instead. The pizza might be kinda cold right now and there isn't much soda because I had already drunk some but, yeah, I set everything up and we can just sleep on the couch. If you want to sleep."

"I'm not gonna end up sleeping," Kokichi said, taking off his shoes and taking a place on the large couch. It felt comfortable to sit down.

"Well then we can just watch movies and stuff until we get bored," Kaito shrugged, taking a seat next to the already seated male. It was too close for Kokichi. He scooted over. "Just pick something." 

"Something scary," he put his bag of cookies on the table. He would have grabbed some sprite, but he knew it wouldn't be good for his head. His stomach hurt but he didn't grab a slice of pizza. "Something that'll keep me awake."

"Like the Purge?" Kaito asked, already starting to type it in. "We can watch the whole series."

"Not scary but," Kokichi shifted in his seat. He couldn't tell if Kaito was getting closer or if he was. "It's good enough."

The movie started. Kokichi's head wasn't feeling good. He felt too close to Kaito again and moved. There was murder on the screen. He felt hunger pains in his stomach as he struggled to get to sleep. His eyes closed and for a second he was drifting to sleep until the memories got to him and he opened his eyes back up. There were so many guys. Kaito was the only one with him. Kaito looked apathetic watching the violence on the TV. Kaito looked scary. Kokichi unlocked his phone.

_**4:19 A.M** _

_**KO**_ : sorry

 _ **KO**_ : trying to make someone mad at me

 _ **KO**_ : ill apologize to saihara too ig idk if that matters he kinda threatened me so

 _ **KO**_ : you're probably sleeping im not so yeah gn

"What are you doing?" Kaito looked over, noticing the illumination of the phone in the corner of his eye.

"Does it matter?" Kokichi shut off the phone. "I'm bored.'

"Give me your phone," Kaito held out his hand. "We're watching a movie."

"Whatever," Kokichi handed over the phone, pulled a blanket over his shoulders, and focused his attention back on the movie. He pretended not to notice as Kaito unlocked and looked through his phone.

The first thing he opened was the messaging app. There were a lot of messages, most unopened and people Kaito wasn't familiar with, but also a few that he knew from school. He read through some of the chats and came to the conclusion that Kokichi had led most of them on from the common message of "last night was great, when can we do that again?" Even though some texts were from months ago, he wondered if those people would now check that text and see it was read, giving them some false sense of hope or whatever. He moved on to the already read texts, which there weren't much of. In fact, the only read messages that had a contact were from him, Rantarou, and Shuuichi, the rest all listed as unknown. Kaito went through the unknown messages to find the same ones he avoided looking at earlier, shocked to see that they hadn't been deleted already. It was just as Kokichi said, he was getting death threats and blackmailed alongside tons of videos and pictures from a lot of different guys. It seemed all the men had the same idea on how to keep him quiet. He watched some of the videos and while he thought they were disgusting, a sick part of him couldn't help but think it was kind of hot to see Kokichi like that. He chose to delete the thoughts along with the chats.

Kaito's next stop was the photo gallery. He was checking to make sure Kokichi hadn't saved any of the videos to torture himself with and was pleased to find out he hadn't, but he was quick to notice a locked folder amongst the regular pictures. He thought it was kinda weird the phone didn't have a password on it but he had locked files that did.

"What's your password?" Kaito asked.

"I thought we were watching a movie," Kokichi rolled his eyes. "Gimmie. I'll unlock it."

So Kaito handed the phone back to its owner who, surprisingly, just unlocked it and gave it back instead of keeping it to himself. Not really surprisingly, Kaito felt Kokichi was just scared of him or something. He didn't really understand why. Well, he did, he just wouldn't admit to himself he was that much of an asshole. At first glance, the folder just looked like porn, until he realized that they were more sex tapes than porn. And there were a lot, 400 at least. Kaito clicked through a few of them and started to feel a feeling that could only be described as jealousy, but he tried to think of other feelings rather than admitting to himself he was jealous of his not-boyfriend having sex with other guys.

"What do you have all these for?" Kaito asked, trying to ignore the feeling.

"Just for fun," Kokichi blankly stared at the television. "Watch when I'm bored. Remember all the times I've been fucked. Been doing it since I turned 18."

"Do you upload them?" Kaito asked again.

"No," Kokichi rolled his eyes, wondering why he couldn't focus on the movie when he wanted to. "Just if I wasn't 18 it'd be child porn so I just didn't record it. But I wanted to so yeah, that's the first thing I did on my birthday."

"When's your birthday?" Sometimes, Kaito wonders if he asks too many questions.

"June something," Kokichi started to sound frustrated, so Kaito left it at that.

Kaito thought that was way too many videos for it being in June and now being the start of October. Scrolling to the first video in the folder, he found out the first video was indeed from June something. Maybe he was overestimating the amount of videos, but if he wasn't he had no clue how much sex Kokichi was having. That was at least 3 videos a day. His soulmate was getting more in five months than he had in his lifetime.

In some odd way, the videos made him feel uncomfortable. Not uncomfortable in the way that he was watching porn of someone who was virtually a stranger, but uncomfortable in the way he was sickeningly jealous. Not that he'd say he was jealous. He would only say that he wanted Kokichi for himself. That's what soulmates were for, right? Well, maybe not just for sex, but he was comfortable with just sex for now. Even if he felt sick seeing his soulmate with other guys. He hated the way he felt in that moment and just closed out of the app.

"Hey, why don't we-," Kaito stopped talking when he turned around and realized Kokichi had fallen asleep. He didn't want to disturb him. It was like 5 in the morning, he needed the rest.

He got up and walked into the kitchen and plugged the phone into a spare charger. It felt wrong to look at someone's personal things while they were sleeping, plus it was near dead from all the use. Maybe he would just ask the questions later. It was like 5 in the morning and he felt he was probably more tired than Kokichi was. He was surprised he hadn't passed out already himself, but wasn't as surprised that he found himself drifting away as soon as he sat back down on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how actively I'll keep updating this, I'm far ahead with the writing anyways but I've been writing other less heavy things recently cus my mental health has been doing nothing but decline :) but I'll try to update often and not stop for a month again  
> Also I'm pushing for at least 4k words per chapter so this one (and the next few) will be significantly longer than the beginning chapters. Kinda thought about deleting the whole fic and rewriting it all. I don't like how its coming out.
> 
> [EDIT 12/14/20; I've decided to rewrite the fic. Not deleting anything until I've rewritten every published chapter, however. Alexis if you're reading this die.]
> 
> [EDIT 2/02/21; I hate this. Discontinued, orphaned. I deleted my insta from the notes, my @ changed anyway. If you see something similar to this in the future, it's probably the chapters I actually rewrote and I felt bored enough to post them.]

**Author's Note:**

> Chill Kokichi they just wanted to know if Shuuichi was on the roof with you cus he didn't show up to their lunch spot
> 
> Wtf am I doing man I have online classes in the morning and it's 1 a.m


End file.
